I didn’t know. I just didn’t know how much every cell in my body would yearn to hold Jud after he was gone, even 9 months later.  I didn’t recognize how strange it would be to look at pictures of my little man and realize the images no longer connect to my present reality.  I

I’m currently in Ventura visiting my folks, and as I sprawled across the bed in my old room, transformed into a guestroom many years ago, I happened to notice a pink book-box propped upright, seemingly out of place on an antique maple bookshelf amongst a sprinkling of random books and photo albums.  I picked it

I was filling out a form today that asked, “Do you have children?  If so, how many and what are their ages?” I froze.  “What do I write?” I thought. This is the first time since Jud died that I have had to fill out any kind of document that has asked this type of

This “Hot Wheels” scooter looks as though it was just ridden by a little boy who barely took the time to return it to its proper place in his garage before bounding up the stairs to enjoy a snack.  Meanwhile, the scooter waits patiently for the boy to return and ride again. However, this red

One year ago today our family visited the “Happiest Place on Earth” for Judson’s special wish.  Jud wore a “Make-a-Wish” button. This week we ventured to Disneyland for Jessie’s birthday before our passes expire, the ones we received through Make-A-Wish.  Jessie wore a “Happy Birthday” button. Two buttons.  Two very different experiences. It is as

Jessie turned 2 years old yesterday, and even after a trip to Disneyland, I believe the highlight of her day was the ice cream sundae at Ruby’s Diner—her first sundae ever! She has continued to replay how “the people sang ‘Happy Bert-day’ at the rest-aunt” and gave her ice cream.  It is very cute!  But

I was thinking today about the ways Judson’s time with us and his subsequent death have completely redefined my life.  Everything has changed.  Each little nuance of my existence is viewed from a different lens.  On an emotional, spiritual, relational, mental and even physical level, all aspects of my being have gone through metamorphosis. This