Judson's Legacy

First Allegiance

I was filling out a form today that asked, “Do you have children?  If so, how many and what are their ages?”

I froze.  “What do I write?” I thought.

This is the first time since Jud died that I have had to fill out any kind of document that has asked this type of question.  Fortunately, this form was for our church, and all the readers of the form know our situation, but it made me realize there will be many more forms like this in the future.

How do I navigate these questions?

Jud’s existence will probably rarely be pertinent to the actual purpose of the inquiry, whether it be planning for childcare, preparation for events, etc., but not including him would feel unbefitting to me.  After all, the question is, “How many children do I have?”

The fact is that I have TWO children.

And upon answering the question about how many kids, then I am faced with another dilemma…how do I answer the question about Jud’s age?  I figure I have a couple options: I can say “deceased,” or “forever 2 1/2,” or “2 1/2 years on earth & 9 months in heaven,” or list his date of death along with his birthdate.

Whatever the case, I remain determined to ensure Jud is included one way or another.

Though the outcome may lead to awkwardness for the reader or unsolicited sympathy, I will not deny my son, even on the simplest of forms.  My first allegiance, with these types of questions, is to my sweet Judson.

11 Responses to "First Allegiance"

  1. lisa taylor says:

    YEAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel the same way. I am so glad you have taken this approch. When people ask me if that is my son (pictures are on my bag), I say yes. Then they say, "how old is he?" I say, "he just died." I, like you, am not looking for the sympathy or uncomfort, I just want the world to know that I have a son. His name is Jaden. He is beautiful and I love him desparately. Just because he isn’t in my arms at this moment or in a stroller next to me doesn’t mean I don’t love to brag about him and tell his story like the other moms do.

    I don’t want the world to forget our kids.
    Keep your chin up Jud’s Mommy! I think of you and your beautiful son daily.

    My Love,
    Lisa Taylor (Jaden’s Mommy)

  2. 33817 says:

    I lost my son 13..almost 14 yrs ago come September and STILL….this issue is a sticky one. There WILL come a time….like filling out tax forms… that there is no way to include your child on them (as a dependant etc) In cases like that, I ALWAYS think of him …..

    Other times when questioned I will say I had 4 children but I lost my first born son Vincie when he was 17 months to a brain tumor. Of course, family, friends, co- workers know…but sometimes with strangers… who I will never see again.. when asked how many kids I have..I will tell them 3….I have found so many times that people can say THE most stupid things and I am in no mind to even share my child with them……you just have to find what is good for YOU at the moment.

    I read someone’s journal(from Krabbe board) about including her child on a Christmas card a few times after her death and others said to her…it’s time to move on/ get over it…..over what?? I would like to know….her child’s death?? her child’s life?? ….so that is what I mean about sometimes it might be better to not even share your precious child with such heartless souls….it can make an already awful situation feel even worse…..you can see how this topic brings up anger in me…..

    Remembering Judson…forever ….an angel of a boy with bright eyes and a sweet voice… burnt indelibly on my heart….I so love to listen to him sing the "flag song" ..soooo smart how could he remember all those words at that age??…plus when I see the video where his little sister toppled over while sitting and he says "what happened to you JESSIE girl"…I can feel his compassion and love for his sister..those things made such an impression on me….. WHAT AN AMAZING KID! God bless you and my prayers for you and family ..

    Vince… missing

  3. 33817 says:

    oh so I wrote too much huh???

    I had to resign and acknowledge my boy.. like we are talking about..I wont let it go..


    forever missing

  4. 33817 says:

    forever missing and remembering Angel Vincie
    forever 17 months

  5. Melanie MacPherson says:

    I have not came accross a form like this yet, and oddly enough i have not encountered too many questions about if i had children, i used to worry about this question before he passed away.
    I just hope that i can always include Jack in everything i do in the future, he will always be my son, and my child. I just feel the need to acknowledge that he was here and he mattered, he still matters. Tonight i have been sitting sorting throught pictures to put on a digital photo frame that my good friend got me for on my desk at work. I will tell anyone who asks, my love for the boy who we called wee jack mac!

    Keep blogging i love to read them, you have such a gift!

    Melanie xx

  6. Robyn says:

    Christina, I read a quote today that made me think of you. When I read your blog tonight, I felt so many different emotions. This quote seems to sum it up: "People say it gets better but it doesn’t. It just gets different, that’s all." (Maggie Smith) It seems there are always seemingly innocuous things in our society that suddenly cause us to pause and reflect on what the "proper" response should be. Blessings!

  7. Ken says:

    I have THREE Grandchildren, of that I have no doubt, I am very happy that I have THREE Grandchildren. The fact that I cannot "see" one of them, that I can no longer hold her, does not phase me one bit. I feel her presence so strongly every day. I have my memouries too, so I do not miss her because I know she is with me always. I love telling people about Evie, I need no prompting to tell her story,

  8. Ken says:

    I have never felt that I was embarrasing people, probably because I am not embarrased to tell Evie’s story,

  9. 34148 says:


  10. Stacie says:

    Jud should always be included somehow. He had such an amazing presence it seems and it wouldn’t be right to NOT include him in those questions. I would say just answer it however your mood feels at that moment. Every child is important no matter if they are here on Earth with us, or up in Heaven dancing with the Angels and sitting by Jesus.

  11. 34530 says:

    I love it. I love your loyalty, your committment, your determination and your drive. Your passion. Your ‘mama bear’ instinct. I love it and I admire it. It makes me proud to be a mom, too. Thank you for inspiring be today.

    Love and blessings,

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