When I went to get Jessie after her nap this afternoon, seeing my tear-stained eyes she immediately asked, “Have you been crying, Mommy?” “Yes Jessie, I’ve been crying,” I slowly responded. “Why were you crying?” she probed. Her question triggered the tears again, “I miss Judson so much, Jessie.  I just wish I could be

When we had first talked about getting a dog, Judson wasn’t even a year old and Jessie had yet to be conceived.  We had a cat at the time, but Drake and I had noted how it could be especially great for our boy to grow up with a canine pal.  I specifically recall mentioning

I am in the valley of sorrow deeply right now.  Sometime last week I found myself feeling particularly broken and gloomy.  In these circumstances, the question from others often seems to be, “What triggered your spiraling mood?” My answer is, “The death of my son.” “But he has been gone all this time and sometimes

I cannot help but wonder whether birthdays and holidays will ever be experienced again without significant pain.  Today is not only Easter but also my birthday (not to mention the anniversary of when Drake proposed 14 years ago).  The loss feels as tremendous this year as it did last year, if not more painful.  Judson’s

My mind is etched with the memory of when I first heard the song “Everlasting God”.  I was seated on the floor of our living room near the entertainment center, eyes closed, surrounded by family and friends who had come to our home to worship and pray, specifically for Judson’s healing from Krabbe disease.  Our

When I first discovered I was pregnant with Jud, I went to my favorite thrift store (I am a big fan of thrift store shopping) and practically cleared out their maternity section.  I was just so excited to enter this new phase and watch my belly grow with the miracle of life. When I was

When we first arrived at the Hunter’s Hope Candlelight Ball, there were a couple walls filled with pictures of children afflicted by Krabbe disease.  Drake and I walked around scanning the faces of each picture, looking for our son.  All of a sudden I realized that this is a wall no parent would ever want

Dear family and friends… The 7th is upon us again, marking 17 months without Jud.  As I sit here trying to convey the feelings in my heart, I am finding it difficult to describe in words.  It is as though anything I might write could either minimize our pain or overly exaggerate it…which maybe, coupled