I cannot help but wonder whether birthdays and holidays will ever be experienced again without significant pain.  Today is not only Easter but also my birthday (not to mention the anniversary of when Drake proposed 14 years ago).  The loss feels as tremendous this year as it did last year, if not more painful.  Judson’s death seems to put a damper on every celebration, like a spotlight shinning on the deep hole in my life.

But even as I long for my son to be present whenever we have any type of festivity, I uniquely find solace in the Easter holiday. 

Easter points to life.  When my pain is due to death, the central theme of Easter nullifies the pinnacle of my struggle.  It is as though Christ emerged from his tomb carrying my boy, and both are alive.  Death was thwarted by the resurrection.  I trust everyday that because Jesus Christ rose from the grave, so also Jud has been lifted up to eternal glory.

But if Christ had not been raised, then all my hope, all my faith is futile.  If Jesus did not conquer death, I would imagine no one else could live after they die either.  Is there anything other than Christ’s resurrection that can give hope that those who depart this life will not be lost forever?  And without life after death, then Judson is nothing more now than dust of the earth.  If Christ is no longer alive and there was no resurrection, then everything I have ever written is smoke and mirrors; everything I stake my life on would be a fabrication.

Though there is incredibly strong and compelling evidence that supports the truth of Christ’s claims, many may assert that the resurrection is a lie and I am living in ignorance.  I may run the risk of being wrong when I die…but I would rather take the chance of living in perceived ignorance than risk rejecting eternal life only offered through Jesus Christ.  Denying God’s work through his Son is not a luxury I can afford, in part because I am desperate to see my boy again…

And so Easter, the resurrection of Jesus Christ, fills me with hope, a hope for true life as I deal every day with death.