Disappointment is hard. Drake and I randomly had an opportunity come our way several weeks ago, and with good reason began to get very excited about it.  However, we unexpectedly found out today that it is not going to work out.  On the scale of things that are truly important in life, it was not

It was probably a sight to see: a little girl walking through the mall dancing, laughing, and singing while holding her mom’s hand.  Meanwhile, unbeknownst to the girl, her mother’s face expressed agony and sorrow as tears poured from her eyes. One of Judson’s favorite outings before he died was to the Westfield Santa Ana

I am tired of feeling pain. I have so many incredible moments of sweet joy, but even still my pain is always present—whether it is all-encompassing or just a twinge, I am constantly aching. I am tired of feeling pain. Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give

Two years ago June 13th was a Wednesday.  I woke up like every other morning, got both my kiddos ready for the day, fed them breakfast, and then packed some snacks for our outing.  But this particular morning was not a usual outing; we were headed to the doctor’s office because of my increasing concern

Dear Lord, Sometimes the things I know to be true, I struggle to emotionally understand.  You offer answers that inform my mind, but I am often still torn—in my heart I don’t know much… I don’t know why Judson had to die. I don’t know why you didn’t intervene. I don’t know why death must

I was thinking about the idea of love today as I spent some time in solitude, particularly considering the fact that human love always, without exception, entails pain.  There is no love of mortal man that is not subjected to heartache.  Any time we choose to love, we are at risk of pain through conflict,

When Judson first died, I would regularly wake up in the morning with a song in my heart, replaying over and over in my mind.  These songs often spoke directly to my feelings at the time.  It has been quite some time since I have awoken with a song on my lips. The other day

Today was the first time I was asked for a death certificate to prove that Judson is dead and I am actually his “next of kin”.  This request apparently struck a sensitive cord with me because tears pooled in my eyes and I even got a little defensive with the woman on the phone from