Judson's Legacy

Ill-Fated Day


Two years ago June 13th was a Wednesday.  I woke up like every other morning, got both my kiddos ready for the day, fed them breakfast, and then packed some snacks for our outing.  But this particular morning was not a usual outing; we were headed to the doctor’s office because of my increasing concern for my boy. I vividly recall putting together a bag of white cheddar popcorn from Trader Joe’s because I wanted Judson to have his favorite snack.

Little did I know that our trek to the doctor that morning would be the beginning or our world unraveling.

It is hard to believe it has been two years since that ill-fated day when the doctor tried to hand Judson some of his popcorn and my boy could not see it.  Dr. K looked me straight in the eye and said with authority, “This could be very serious.  I need to order an emergency MRI and I need you to go immediately to our pediatric ophthalmologist.  He is 30 minutes away so you must go now.  Please don’t make any stops on the way.”

Serious?  Emergency?  Now?

In my worst nightmare I could never have imagined the road I had just stepped on.

Yet, here I am, two years later, having endured 5 months of watching my boy suffer and 19 months without him. 

God says, “My grace is enough; it’s all you need.”
—2 Corinthians 12:9 (The Message)

I would not be standing today if not for the grace of my Lord.  He has upheld me in the darkest of valleys.  He has been extravagant in his love.  He has been close to me in my brokenheartedness.

And yet, I have still struggled.  I confess that I have wanted more from him.  There are moments I have said that his grace is not sufficient.  He has amply provided all I have needed, but I have gotten greedy—my wicked heart has said that all I have been given is not enough.  This must break his heart!

Lord, please forgive me.  You are enough!  Your grace is more than enough!  I praise you for carrying me these last two years.  May your grace carry me home, however long my journey may be.

3 Responses to "Ill-Fated Day"

  1. Lora says:

    We never forget those days when our children are diagnosed. Or even the days leading up to it! I still remember it with our son too (February of 1997). May the Lord give you the strength you need to carry on without Judson until you are reunited with him again in Heaven! Sending huge hugs to you!


  2. Jean and Gary Butler says:

    Christina~Love your heart. June 13th is my birthday.When you think of June 13th…remember it’s my birthday; and if I get to heaven before you do…I’m just going to love and love and love Jud until I put him in your arms again….and that’s a promise!!!!
    I so love you~
    Jean (and Gary)

  3. angie Green says:

    How I remember that 2nd year after Kevin died – "holding on – barely breathing" would have been good words put to my feelings, as well, dear one. Every time I read one of your blogs I am taken to that place of remembering "my boy," even though he was 28 years old when he died, your outpouring of your love and ache for the sight of him and your sorrow brings my own sorrow to the forefront again and I have a "good" cry missing "my boy!" " Bless you for how you are pouring out your "mother’s heart," so honestly, dear one. I’m going to pass your blog address onto the women who have participated in my ministry "Mothers Like Me" as this blogsite is really "special," just like YOU, and Judson, too! Love and Blessings,
    Angie Green

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