They call it a “shadow box.” I finished putting together one such “shadow box” today.  Within its frame is an exhibition of a handful of items that trigger significant memories of Jud.  The name “shadow box” seems fitting, seeing as it displays only a small and haunting shadow of the boy that graced our lives

Since Judson’s death, I feel like my head has been screwed on backwards.  I can’t think straight.  I have a harder time remembering things that I was once able to easily recall, I feel confused more often than ever before, and my problem-solving skills feel like they have diminished. Not that my noggin was particularly

I had an epiphany the other day. The concept of having a relationship with Jesus has always been somewhat abstract for me.  Most Christians understand the philosophy behind this idea, but the practicality is hard to grasp; how does one have a relationship with a person who is not physically present and does not tangibly

We went to pick Jessie up from childcare at church last week.  As it turned out she was one of only two kids that evening.  The other child was a girl named Bella, who happens to be just about Jud’s age. When we walked into the room, Jessie and Bella were playing.  Jessie was chasing

Drake and I celebrated our 12th anniversary yesterday, which also marks the start of our thirteenth year of marriage.  I was recently told that because we were married on the 13th of the month, our 13th year of marriage is supposed to be our “golden year.”  Coming on the heels of Judson’s suffering and death,

I am just so desperate to hold and talk to Jud.  Everything in my being aches and longs for him.  I would give anything to simply have another moment or two to cradle even his most broken body in my embrace, or talk with him even when he was mute and could not respond. It

How does a one year old respond to the loss of her older brother? This is a question that has been posed to me several times, and one I have often wondered myself. I have no idea how Jessie is processing through the fact that one day her brother was present with her, and the

When Judson was around 4 months old, he was having such difficulty sleeping, that we decided to invest in a video monitor.  It helped save my sanity; he was so frequently fighting the much needed rest his body desperately needed or waking up with intense screams, that it enabled me to see whether or not