Judson's Legacy

Video Monitor

When Judson was around 4 months old, he was having such difficulty sleeping, that we decided to invest in a video monitor.  It helped save my sanity; he was so frequently fighting the much needed rest his body desperately needed or waking up with intense screams, that it enabled me to see whether or not he was okay, without having to go in his room.  We used it all the time.

We now have the video monitor set up to watch Jessie while she sleeps, but the difference is that we rarely turn it on.  She is such a good sleeper that it just hasn’t been necessary.  But this morning, as I was waking up, not wanting to even open my eyes, much less get out of bed, I decided to flip on the video monitor that sits by my bedside on my nightstand, and watch.  I laid there with my head still on my pillow, observing Jessie as she slept.

I saw her sweet form, cuddled with a soft blanket underneath her, and I marveled.  I marveled at the gift we have been given in our Jessie Girl.  She is so sweet, and responsive, and fun.  Her smile and bright personality keep me going, in a season when I would be most apt to stay in bed all day.  She laughs, and I laugh.  She giggles, and I giggle.  She smiles, and I can’t help but smile in response to her beautiful countenance.

Sometimes I imagine, just for a moment, what my world would be like without her and I crumble at the thought.

As I continued to watch, she started to wake up.  She made some cooing noises and sighs as she pushed herself into a sitting position.  Then she grabbed the baby doll in her bed and started to play.  While placing the pacifier in the dolls mouth, she began “talking.”  Though much of her speech is still gibberish to us, we can make out some words here and there; it is fun to listen to her.

Jessie’s voice, over the monitor, sounded so similar in tone and quality to Jud’s, that it triggered some of my usual flashbacks.  I remembered the many times I would sit and watch Jud on the monitor.  Sometimes I was frustrated, because I couldn’t understand why he had such difficulty sleeping (now I know).  Sometimes I would well up with pride as I heard him talk about the people he loves or listened to him sing.  Sometimes I would cry with joy as I considered the person he was becoming.  Most often, I just  marveled, as I did with Jessie this morning, at the amazing boy given to us.

I have been blessed with TWO beautiful children.

As I was remembering my sweet man, my sweet lady jumped up and began to bounce up and down in her crib, calling out, “Mom-meeeeeeeeeee.”

Whether buried in grief, or not, what better reason could someone have to get out of bed each morning?!!!!?

Share Your Thoughts...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.