Would Be
“Would be” has become the consummate phrase encapsulating all the missed milestones with my child.
Continue ReadingMonumental
Dear Buddy Boo… Is it really ten??!? Ten years? Ten whole years I’ve lived without you. I find it hard to grasp, hard to comprehend. I get a lump in my throat when I consider the reality of what ten years means. It’s significant. Ten years is, in fact, monumental. It’s monumentally painful and it’s
Continue ReadingYou’d Be Twelve
My dear little man (who wouldn’t be so little anymore)…Tomorrow is your birthday…And it’s raining heavily outside. It’s never rained…
Continue ReadingRadiant Shades of Color
My dear Buddy Boo…I miss you so, so much. Nine years. You’ve be home with Jesus for nine years now. I got blind-sided by my grief yesterday at church. The second song began and the floodgates opened; I was a blubbering mess. It actually caught me a bit by surprise, as though I was a piñata—suddenly struck…
Continue ReadingThat Man On A Bike
A couple weeks ago, Jessie, Drake and I were walking through our neighborhood when a gentleman rode by on his bicycle. He acknowledged us with a smile and nod; we returned the gesture in kind. But what was particularly striking about this man is that he was wearing a cannula for oxygen and had a tank strapped to his back.
“Did you see that, mama!?” Jessie asked. “That man…
Continue ReadingGreatest Gift
My Dear Jud Bud…Another birthday. Another year lived in your absence. Another celebration of your life, similar to the last. Another year in the middle of what…
Continue ReadingEight Years Now
Dear Jud Bud… My heart longs so deeply for you. This unsatisfied ache of my soul has become part of me…part of each breath, thought, experience…for eight years now. I was driving along the freeway yesterday and saw an RV lot. I had a memory of discussing that RV lot with you. But then I second-guessed my recollection, wondering…
Continue ReadingThe Modest Details
It was just a tiny, insignificant fastener-screw. I had purchased a new watch band and was unscrewing some pieces for the replacement when one of the minuscule fasteners went flying through the air. I had no idea where it landed. So I put down the screwdriver, and my now-deficient watch, and began methodically scouring…
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