The other night I was so immersed in heartache that I felt like I was drowning.  I had a hard time coming up for air, literally and figuratively.  Drake finally rescued me from my sorrowful thoughts that kept crashing down on me. I have been tossed into an ocean of grief, and am trying to

How can this possibly be our reality?!!??? It seems as though, anytime now, Jud is going to be back with us: singin’ Christmas carols, chattin’ it up with me in the car, eatin’ in his high chair, jumpin’ at the park.  I imagine him having just been on vacation for a month, and he will

I have only worn eye makeup a couple times in the last several months.  Tears stream so frequently down my face that it seems fruitless to try and wear mascara or eyeshadow. However, when I woke this morning, for some reason, I didn’t have my usual cry in the shower, and as I thought about

I have now gone through all of Judson’s clothes and belongings.  It was bitter-sweet.  It was bitter to recognize that his toys and wardrobe hold no value now, other than as mementos, but they did trigger sweet memories.… So many of Jud’s clothes smelled like him and brought back wonderful thoughts of the past. I

We went to Home Depot this evening and picked out our Christmas tree, just like we did last year.  We brought it home on top of the car, just like we did last year.  We adorned it with lights, just like we did last year.  And we hung ornaments on our noble fir, just like

I was visiting my parents in Ventura yesterday, and they have pictures of each of their grandchildren adorning the wall of their staircase.  My mom asked me if I would help her select a new picture of Jud to print and fit the frame.  As I went through my photos, I was trying to find

Dear family and friends… Today marks one month since we released Judson into the arms of Jesus. Our wound is very raw. In many ways the grief has been hitting us harder recently as the realities of Jud’s death are more apparent in the normalcy’s of life. We ache, but we trust. We trust a

Drake has, for quite some time, called Judson, Jessie, and me his “treasures.”  He would often come home from work and shout up the stairs, “Where are my treasures?” to which I regularly responded with groans and a smile to make sure he knew just how totally and completely sappy I think he is.  However,