How can this possibly be our reality?!!???

It seems as though, anytime now, Jud is going to be back with us: singin’ Christmas carols, chattin’ it up with me in the car, eatin’ in his high chair, jumpin’ at the park.  I imagine him having just been on vacation for a month, and he will come running back into my embrace, arms open wide, with a huge smile on his face.  I’m awaiting his return…

A return that will not occur in this lifetime.

Waiting a lifetime to see Jud feels impossible; this separation is piercing, over and over again.  Is it true that Jud is really gone?  How can that be?  Just over 6 months ago my little boy was as vibrant as you would expect any 2 ½ year old to be.   Now he is gone…forever?  How can this be?  What just hit us?  I want my boy back so badly!!!!!

The finality of his death is still unreal to me.