My dear sweet Judson, How can it be that you have been gone a whole year?!!?  How can it be that the world has continued without you?!??!  It feels like everything should have stopped when your heart stopped.  But it didn’t.  The world carries on as if nothing happened, when, in fact, it lost the

We were sent a poem yesterday called “Awkward Silence” by Richard Dew* that states: That he be forgotten is what I fear, That no one will ever his presence miss, As if there were no trace he was here. By referring to him, my purpose is, Not to stir pity or keep things the same.

One of my favorite songs in high school was a ballad written in 1989 by a Christian rock band called Whiteheart (admittedly, I was a die-hard Christian rocker back in the day -a bit oxymoronic, huh?).  It has always been a song that seems to speak directly to my soul with strength, power, and hope,

Upon laying down to nap or sleep, especially this week, the stillness leads my mind to settle on Judson’s last days. Today marks one year since we noticed signs of impending death in our beloved boy.  Everything we feared was coming to fruition right before our eyes—our nightmare was climaxing with the most dreaded reality. 

Two years ago, on Halloween, Drake and I spent the evening with a little “Sweet Pea” and a “Car Mechanic”.  We went to an event at the fairgrounds where Jud had the chance to sit in a huge Army Jeep, see a Fire Engine, enjoy a small petting zoo, and partake in a few carnival

We have made a conscious effort not to allow our grief to keep Jessie from experiences.  And today, Halloween, was no exception.  Our little “ladybug” got all decked out in her ladybug costume** and had many adventures!  Even though Halloween is a very difficult memory with Jud, we are making new memories with our Jessie

Jessie took her first real train ride to Ventura yesterday.  She absolutely loved it and I think she proved to be the best entertainment for the surrounding passengers as she chatted and asked questions. For instance, she inquired of the man seated behind us, “What are you eating?” “I’m chewing gum,” he chuckled. “Gum?  You’re

What do you do on the day that commemorates the death of your child?  What do you do on the anniversary for when your son breathed his last breath? This day is quickly drawing near, and I am at a total loss.  Of course, we’ll go to the gravesite, we’ll tie ribbons around Judson’s tree