Judson's Legacy

A Whole Year

My dear sweet Judson,

How can it be that you have been gone a whole year?!!?  How can it be that the world has continued without you?!??!  It feels like everything should have stopped when your heart stopped.  But it didn’t.  The world carries on as if nothing happened, when, in fact, it lost the most precious, bright, kind, sharp, beautiful boy!!!!

But I’ve struggled to carry on.  I am so broken living without you!  It hurts so intensely not to see you, hold you, talk to you, laugh with you, sing with you, and watch you grow.  Every part of me aches in longing for you and finds it excruciating to live with only shadows of the boy you were.

Every morning I wake up hoping that this was all somehow just a bad nightmare and you’ll come running from your bedroom with a favorite car in hand, to enthusiastically greet me.

But it’s been a year now.  This nightmare is my reality.

Yet, this reality is not for eternity.  I have tremendous hope.  I picture you on the shores of heaven laughing, splashing, playing, jumping, singing, and doing all the things that little boys do as you wait for your dad and me to join you.  How glorious it will be to have unhindered relationship with you in the presence of our Lord.  I yearn for our reunion…and I want this hope to shape the rest of my time here on earth.

Jud Bud, if loving you means living with this gaping wound of loss for the rest of my life, I would enthusiastically choose it again and again; no amount of pain can compare to the gift of being your mom.  Every moment I had with you is worth far more than any heartache.  You are an incredible gift!!!!  I feel so honored and blessed to call you son.  Thank you for teaching me so much with your little life!

I miss you tremendously Sweet Man, but I will live expectantly with the hope God has given that I might honor both Him and you with my days.

Every ounce of my love,

19 Responses to "A Whole Year"

  1. 47875 says:

    You’ve gone through so much that it’s incomprehensible to me. Judson was VERY lucky to have a family like you who has loved him so much and that will continue to love him.

    He is waiting for you in Heaven! God will make glorious return to reunite the both of you. Your patience and love will be rewarded!

  2. 42524 says:

    Praying for you today.

  3. Robyn says:

    Christina, We are praying for all of you today and everyday. I wish I had words of comfort for you today but I can only remind you that you are loved by many, loved by Our Savior and Father and that you will always and forever be loved by your little man. I pray that you will feel this love today and find some peace. Blessings.

  4. 33943 says:

    My prayers go out to you and your family today and always!

  5. Anonymous says:

    I’ve been praying for you this week. I was on facebook last night and someone’s status was that they were wearing the "I am a bud of Jud the Stud" T-shirt. He is touching the whole United States and the world. I continue to be sorry for your loss.

  6. Christie says:

    Your amazing son has an amazing family. May God shower you with peace and hope today and the days to come.

  7. 47897 says:

    How beautifully you shared your heart! You are an amazing woman and mom. I know I can’t imagine the pain you feel, but just know that I grieve with you. On this 1 year remembrance of Jud’s Homegoing, my family and I pray for God’s peace, love, and hope to fill your heart.
    To Jud, what a wonderful little boy you are. I am honored to have known of you through your mommy’s and daddy’s sharing about you.
    Audrey and family

  8. June says:

    Dear Christina, Drake and Jessie,
    My heart aches so much – there just aren’t words.

    ……….I love you all, June

  9. Mandy says:

    Praying for you today and always.

  10. hh says:

    Dear Christina, Drake and Jessie,

    We have been praying for you non-stop this week and today….our tears have been flowing and we felt like we were right there with you at 11:30 this morning as you lit the candle for Judson, remembering the moment one year ago that you "ushered him into the arms of Jesus" (your beautiful words that you wrote a year ago today to all of us).

    Our prayer has been that GOD Himself would hold you every moment of this day (just as He has been AND will continue to).

    We love you with all of our hearts. We love Judson and we will NEVER forget him!!!

    Love from Heather, Mark, Luke and Ben

  11. Gary Hegenbart says:

    Christina and Drake: Reading your note today is so gut-wrenching. I feel the pain in your words and also the hope. We all mourn with you today and every day, but also with expectant hope of that great day when the trumpet will sound for each of us. You are amazing parents and people and we want to help you in any way we can. Jud will live on the hearts of so many of us. So sorry for your pain.

    With love, Gary

  12. Rebecca Morris says:

    My heart grieves deeply for you today. It is so hard to see you go through such unimaginable pain. Please know that I will be praying for (and crying with) you today.

    Judson was such a sweet, precious little boy, and he is greatly missed. Thank you for keeping Judson’s memory alive by faithfully writing on your blog. We certainly don’t want to forget him and all the joy he brought to this world. You are a beautiful writer, and I believe God has given you this gift so that He can speak to our hearts through you.
    Judson’s life and your story have deeply touched my life, and you are ministering to so many by sharing your thoughts and experiences. Thank you for being so vulnerable and letting us see your heart that knows so much pain and yet still longs to trust your Heavenly Father and continues to give Him all the glory. Your steadfast faith has been such an encouragement to me.

    We continue to lift you up in prayer as God holds you close in heart, and we ask God to give you ongoing strength and comfort during this difficult time.

    With love, prayers and deep sympathy,

    Rebecca Morris

  13. Leilen Shelton says:


    I’m thinking about you today. I really can’t imagine how painful this is, but know that so many people love and care about you. I pray that you feel God’s arms wrap you in his love, those same arms that hold your sweet little boy. Love to you all.

  14. Melanie MacPherson says:

    Thinking of you all today. This past year has passed so quickly, seems only like yesterday when i first heard of Jud. I will never forget him, he was such a special boy, destined to change the world, which he is doing.

    In my thoughts and prayers.

    Melanie xxx

  15. lisa taylor says:

    I love you Judson’s mommy.
    -Lisa Taylor

  16. 34666 says:


    Thinking of you, Drake, Jessie and most of all, little Jud. Praying for peace for your family.

    with love – Sabrina

  17. 48007 says:

    I myself feel like I have lost someone very close and I haven’t even met him, I can’t even begin to imagine what it must be like for you. I am thinking of you all today and always.

    I would like your permission to make a montage of some pictures of him to tribute. 🙂

    My name is Alli and I’m 17 and I have something called Friedreich’s Ataxia (http://www.ninds.nih.gov/disorders/friedreichs_ataxia/detail_friedreichs_ataxia.htm) Stories of people(and the people themselves) like your son help keep me going on.

    Please email me at: doodette44@aol.com

    Lots of prayers and hugs – Alli Ridgely

  18. Shiryl Stanfield says:

    Drake and Christy,

    What a beautiful letter. Thank you for sharing your heart. I have been praying for you this week and especially today.

  19. Mark Page says:

    To my dear friends Drake and Christina,

    I’ve been thinking of you all day today. Wondering what you are doing and how you are taking in this day. I can never really know the depths of your loss but my heart is nevertheless am with you.

    As I have been remembering Jud today, I am grateful to have had the opportunity to know him and hold him and to pray over him until the very end.

    I am grateful for you both, for your friendship and the way you have been so open on this journey.

    I am grateful for the privledge to stand before you and your family and friends to give tribute to Jud at his memorial service.

    But more then ever, I am grateful that Jud is not lost but is found in the presence of God and is experiencing TRUE life with Him.

    What a great day that will be when we see him again!

    Love you,


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