Judson's Legacy

Total Loss

What do you do on the day that commemorates the death of your child?  What do you do on the anniversary for when your son breathed his last breath?

This day is quickly drawing near, and I am at a total loss. 

Of course, we’ll go to the gravesite, we’ll tie ribbons around Judson’s tree in the park, we’ll light a candle at 11:30 am (the time that Jud died), we’ll wear our “Jud Bud” shirts, we’ll watch videos of our sweet man, and more, but that’s not what I’m talking about; I’m NOT concerned about the outward experiences of the day.  I’m wondering…

What does my soul do?  What happens in my heart?  Where does my mind go?  How do I handle my emotions? 

One could think it might be like any other day, but it’s not!  It’s just not!  And as if the days leading up to it aren’t already hard enough…

Oh dear Jesus, come.  Come fill my soul.  Hold my heart.  Protect my mind.  Sustain me through my emotions.  Embrace me, dear God.  Please come.

8 Responses to "Total Loss"

  1. 34118 says:

    Oh Christina, I’m sure you hear this all the time, but once more can’t hurt – I will be covering you and your husband in prayer, especially over these next few days. He IS the Sustainer.

  2. michele stump says:

    Christina, I’m so sorry. Know that you have so many people holding you up in prayer and thinking of you and loving you during this horribly difficult time.

  3. 33705 says:

    Christina….please know I am praying for you and your family, especially as this dreadful day approaches. Amidst the pure grief I know you will feel that day, I pray you can feel at least a tiny bit of comfort from the Lord as you absorb the memories and blessing of Jud.
    God’s Blessings to You..
    Dawn….Makinley’s Mommy

  4. 33867 says:

    Oh Christina, I will be praying, praying so hard for your peace and love to fill every ounce of your day and the days leading up, for unexpected blessings from above to rain on you and your most lovely family, you will get through this, like all before it, it may not be pretty but I have found life, real life is not pretty, it is hard and gritty but we have our Lord, who knows our every hurt to get us through. I will be praying, as are so many others.

  5. 33749 says:

    Christina, you Drake and Jessie will be held up in prayer these days leading up to and on the anniversary.

  6. Robyn says:

    "When we have walked through devastating times and found God to be our Rock and Strength in the midst of it all, we are changed. God hasn’t changed; we have. He has always been that strong, that loving, that merciful, that present for us, but we never availed ourselves of all of who He is. Wherever you are in life, no matter what is going on, whether you are in the best days or worst days of your life, God loves you and will faithfully walk with you through it all." (Sheila Walsh) "Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him. endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. CONSIDER HIM who endured such opposition from sinful men, SO THAT YOU WILL NOT GROW WEARY AND LOSE HEART." (Hebrews 12:2-3)
    Christina, Our Lord will hold you, heart, soul, body and mind close in His loving arms and give you His strength to get through this. You have so many people lifting you up in prayer and hurting for you, Hold fast to the thought that you are not alone. Blessings.

  7. alissa says:

    we will remember your Jud next friday too. we will imagine him standing next to our savior, holding hands in heaven looking down on you in love.

  8. lisa taylor says:

    I am thinking that your son will smile down at you and will catch your tears this week. I think he will be so close to you. May you feel his hand touch your cheek and wipe away a tear. May you have the strength this week to remember and grieve the way you need to. I hope that you will be able to feel as close to him as you can. -Lisa Taylor

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