There can be an experience when moving from deep sleep into wakefulness, after an intense dream or nightmare, where the line between reality and the subconscious dream world is blurry.  One lays in bed, eyes still closed, trying to decipher what is actually real. When Jud died, I had a similar experience almost every morning. 

On our last full day enjoying the Garden Island of Kauai, we took a chartered catamaran cruise along the coast.  Whales, dolphins, and sea turtles were spotted throughout the morning and we delighted in the opportunity to snorkel off the boat in a beautiful coral reef.  It was the highlight of our trip. At one

One evening in Hawaii, Drake and I went to Starbucks with our computer in an effort to get internet access.  Unfortunately, this location was not equipped for wireless so we sat outside and wound up looking at pictures of Jud and our family.  Both of us began weeping, and the world around us faded out

Yesterday, Easter, was particularly difficult.  The events of the day deepened my pain as images inundated my mind from Easter last year, April 8, 2007.  It was the last major holiday before Jud’s onset of Krabbe.  Our family of four was staying in Ventura to celebrate the occasion with my parents. I recall my visit

Jesus is risen! Without the resurrection of Jesus Christ, everything I believe would be rendered meaningless, void, false.  Jesus’ life and ministry holds value beyond any other because He lived a blameless life and then rose from the grave, paying the pardon for our sin. Eternal death was swallowed up for those who believe in

I did not want to leave Kauai today. As much as it is not possible to escape my pain and grief over the loss of Jud, this trip offered the opportunity to retreat from my daily existence that screams of the tremendous gap left by my precious boy. My mind was enraptured with the beauty

Today is Good Friday; a day set aside to remind us of Jesus’ suffering and death.  Jesus was betrayed, mocked, scourged, humiliated, beaten, and heinously killed. This is the first Good Friday where I am now truly acquainted with suffering.  I watched my son suffer, and we, in turn, suffered.  I watched Jud die a