I did not want to leave Kauai today.

As much as it is not possible to escape my pain and grief over the loss of Jud, this trip offered the opportunity to retreat from my daily existence that screams of the tremendous gap left by my precious boy.

My mind was enraptured with the beauty of this Garden Island and intent on adventure, exploration, and recreation.  Of course, my grief was never far from me; I would see a boy and his mother, or look at souvenirs that shouted of Jud’s passions, or simply have a still moment, and the tears would readily flow.  But I experienced a reprieve on this Kauaiian getaway, in a manner I had not even imagined.  It has been a sweet vacation.

Though desperate to see Jessie, I cried this morning on the shores of Lawai beach, not wanting to re-enter the realities of my day-to-day grief that await me at home. 

Yet, as my face was streaked with tears, a brilliant rainbow appeared in the sky.  Amazement and gratitude filled my heart as I gazed upon this symbol of God’s promise.  I could not help but feel as though God was reminding me of His faithfulness, just as He did with Noah centuries ago.

Though pain, frustration, and confusion continue to flood me, I trust in the promises of my Savior.  I will keep my eyes open for His “rainbows”.