This morning I was throwing away some balloon creations that our friend had made for Jud on his birthday.  They adorned our home for over a week, and as I placed their deflated forms in the trash, I thought about how much Jud would have enjoyed them. I imagined my little man declaring, “That’s so

A lifetime feels like an extremely long time to wait to see Judson again, yet in his absence, I want my heart to grow fonder. Death brings separation, and separation can weaken a bond as memories become more and more distant, while other things begin to fill those painful places in a broken soul.  But

Drake and I concluded the year 2007 with a trip to Judson’s grave site yesterday-just the two of us.  It was the first time we have visited together without anyone else. We held each other.  Drake was sobbing.  I was wailing.  We were also praying and crying out to God in raw emotion. Drake is

I have been in various group settings over the last couple weeks.  Interestingly, I have found that some interactions sit okay with me, and others do not.  It has caused me to reflect on what might be the dynamics that trigger my various emotions. When my life is filled with such deep pain, it is

In just a few minutes we usher out the year 2007, and embrace the new year, 2008. Similarly, 365 days ago, I was ushering out the old year and embracing the new, 2007, with wonder and expectation. Here is my year in review: January: smiles, laughter, and adventures with my hubby and two precious kiddosFebruary:

I have long been a control freak. I remember about 8 years ago, one of my student staffs at Biola was doing impressions of people; they were mocking one another…in love.  Much to my chagrin, the mockery turned to me.  I vividly recall when Kari, one of the six women on staff, began to impersonate

We were sitting at church on Christmas Eve singing classic Christmas carols.  Words that I have sung during this season for many years were rolling off my tongue, until a phrase in “Away in a Manger” left me speechless, with tears flooding my eyes and running down my cheeks. Bless all the dear children in

The majority of Christmas and holiday festivities have now passed, and each moment has accentuated my sense of loss. Everything echoes of incompleteness. Every meal, every activity, every picture, every car ride, every interaction with family and friends feels incomplete.  We know what it feels like to enjoy these things with Jud, and now we