In just a few minutes we usher out the year 2007, and embrace the new year, 2008.

Similarly, 365 days ago, I was ushering out the old year and embracing the new, 2007, with wonder and expectation.

Here is my year in review:

January: smiles, laughter, and adventures with my hubby and two precious kiddos
February: smiles, laughter, and adventures with my hubby and two precious kiddos
March: smiles, laughter, and adventures with my hubby and two precious kiddos
April: smiles, laughter, and adventures with my hubby and two precious kiddos
May: smiles, laughter, and adventures with my hubby and two precious kiddos
June: fears
July: my world comes crashing down around me
August: suffering
September: suffering
October: suffering
November: every fear comes to fruition with the greatest loss imaginable
December: intense grief and mourning

2007…I didn’t see it coming when those fireworks, toasts to the new year, and “should old acquaintance be forgot…” played as the ball dropped, but it was not long until I found my world spinning in fears, affliction, pain, and grief.

My beloved boy suffered for 5 months and then died, all in 2007.

How do I ever recover?  How do I ever look expectantly to a new year, when all I really want, is to go back to what I had before-the smiles, laughter, and adventures with my hubby and two precious kiddos?

Nothing in my life will ever be the same.  Yet, this is the path I have been given.  This is the journey that has been laid before me.  This is the life to which God has called me.  My existence has been altered forever by the loss of my Judson, and there is no turning back. The year 2007 will mark every moment of every year of my life that will follow.

So, as I usher in 2008, all I can do is fall on my face before the One who has made this my journey, and beg for an extra measure of mercy and grace as I try to faithfully walk this painful path that is ever before me.