O Lord, the universe shouts of Your existence.Nature calls forth Your essence.All creation groans for You, its Maker. Who am I that You should be mindful of me? Your love is known to me,Your faithfulness proven,Your grace encountered. Yet, despite my genuine experience of You, I struggle. O lord, You see my heart,It cannot be

I’ve been lying awake in bed tonight, unable to sleep.  I’m not sure why. If I must have a night of difficulty catching z’s, then oh, what I wouldn’t give for this sleepless night to be because Judson is in the room next door, needing me.  I’ve tossed and turned in these wee hours, remembering

Months ago, after having gone through all of Judson’s belongings, we gave a few boxes of his toys to our church. This morning, when we took Jessie to the church nursery, there on the floor was little, bright-eyed, toe-headed Silas, the precious, almost two year old son of some friends of ours, looking up at

I JUST WANT MY BOY BACK!!!! So often in life when I have wanted something, one way or another, I have been able to make it happen.  Not this time. I cannot arrange, orchestrate, or organize things to get my boy back.  I cannot appeal, discuss, or advocate to get my boy back.  I cannot

Thanks to “Auntie Rachel,” it was “date night” last night.  As Drake and I were driving to dinner, we wound up in a sob fest. We were blubbering and bawling, much like one might do if they hadn’t cried in years (though our tears had been running just a few hours prior). We finally came

It is becoming apparent that there are so many levels to grief.  I am not talking about the stages of grief that counselors describe: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.  I am referring to the personal layers that seem to be unearthed as I walk day by day in my sorrow. While my mind is

We received this picture today: With these words:I am sending you a picture of my fire helmet with a certain little boy’s name in it.  I see this every time I put my helmet on.  Judson is watching over me at all times.  I put it on the day I found that he had passed

Today is Jessie’s ½ birthday. ½ birthdays are overlooked by most, but in our family they became significant when Judson was born.  Because Jud entered this world on Christmas Eve, we decided to celebrate his birth most significantly at the ½ mark each year-June 24th. Then when Jessie was born, in an effort to be