Today marks three months since the day I held my little boy in my arms and he drew his last breath.  For some reason, three months seems significant. I feel like we were pummeled for five months-black and blue, bleeding, swollen, and raw.  Then on November 7th, we were completely knocked out-unconscious and down for

I regularly find myself calling out to God to help me.  Yet, last night, as I posted the 38th Psalm, I began to ponder what I am actually asking of Him.  So often before Jud’s death and even prior to his illness, when I would ask God to save or help me, I was really

Psalm 38:6-10, 21, & 22 I am utterly bowed down and prostrate;  (I fall on my face before You, O God) all the day I go about mourning.  (My grief is endless) For my sides are filled with burning, (A yearning for Jud) and there is no soundness in my flesh.  (My body aches in

Over the last couple months, I have made an extra effort to get out, be around people, and “push into the pain,” as I’ve heard it described.  But there are times I feel as though some people do not have room for my unyielding grief.  So I protect myself behind a façade of strength.  On

Judson was my little roly-poly (sow bug) hunter.  He would regularly ask if we could go look for roly-poly bugs in the grass outside our front door or at the park.  In fact, we even had what we called “the roly-poly tree;” we could almost always find several roly-poly bugs around the base of one

Tears  Repeated droplets.Broken heart bleeding, streaming,Never enough flow.

Over dinner with some friends this evening, the question was asked, “Do you feel hopeful for the coming year?” My response was, “I can’t even go there!” I am so broken and bleeding that the thought of being hopeful in my grief feels completely outside the realm of possibility. But as I sat there, hearing

I still frequently have moments where I forget that Jud has passed away. The other day, I asked my parents if they would babysit “the kids.”  I didn’t realize what I had said until they gently pointed it out to me.  There have been several times in the past couples months that I have said