Categories
Heartache and Hope

Floating Silhouette

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What is it about butterflies that capture my heart unlike any other creature?  Is it the intricate beauty?  Is it the idea that they have emerged from dark cocoon to new life?  Is it that they dance through the air with such grace?  Is it their peaceful silence as they fly?

I expect it is all of these things and more.

Every butterfly now reminds me of Jud.  For many who have lost a loved one, the butterfly seems to carry a special symbolism tying them to their beloved.  I have written many times about butterflies, but in the last couple days I have had two special encounters.

We attended a butterfly release this weekend in honor of families who have lost children.  However, unlike the people around us, when we slowly opened our box to free our butterfly, it actually sat on my hand for quite some time before it took flight.  It was an amazing experience to have an extended opportunity to hold this beautiful memorial for Judson before seeing it disappear.  And as it flew away, Jessie said over and over, “Fly to Jud!  Fly to Jud, little butterfly!  Fly to Jud!” and I imagined Judson might have been in heaven holding a butterfly similar to the one we’d just released.

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Yesterday morning we took a trip to our local butterfly house and had a similar experience.  There was a monarch butterfly that climbed on my finger and then stayed with me the entire time we were there.  Strangely, it was almost as though it wanted to be near me.  This exhilarating encounter with the “painted lady” actually inspired the following poem from me.

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Vibrant colors gleam with light
Dancing upon the sky
Silently fluttering into sight
Capturing my eye

Mesmerized by beauty true
In silence and in awe
I watch with only thoughts of you
Vulnerable and raw

The butterfly a sweet reflection
Of marvelous rebirth
Like the little boy with my affection
No longer bound by earth

My heart sees you in everything
But nothing greater yet
Than the creature with the painted wing
Like a floating silhouette

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Categories
Heartache and Hope

Floating Confetti

Jessie and I have been frequenting the local Butterfly House at the Environmental Nature Center in our city.  I find myself mesmerized by these little creatures.  It is hard to believe they were once creepy crawly caterpillars, yet now they flutter effortlessly through the sky with grace and serenity.  Their delicate, colorful wings allowing them to silently soar through the air like confetti floating in the wind.

Since ancient times, the butterfly has been considered a symbol of the soul, so it is no surprise that in my heartache I’ve discovered this concentrated home of flitting beauty soothes my troubled spirit.  I am captivated by their exquisiteness as they dance in the breeze, imagining my life as carefree as they appear to be.

Yet, even butterflies have scars. 

I took many photos of these fragile organisms today, and as I scanned my pictures this evening, I discovered that one of the butterflies was missing parts of his wing.  I would have never known, seeing as it flew and functioned like all the other butterflies, but with a closer view, it was markedly disfigured.

I felt solidarity with this painted “American Lady”. 

I am profoundly marred by the loss of my sweet Judson, but the wounds of this butterfly give me hope that I, too, will fly again someday, soaring with grace and peace despite being deeply scarred.