Judson's Legacy

Vertigo of Sorrow


Tonight was another night of vertigo…vertigo of sorrow. 

As I sat alone at home and began to journal, slowly probing my ache, my thoughts quickly intensified where I suddenly found myself in a gnarly spin of grief, my heart and mind whirling in heavy brokenness.  All my thoughts plunged into a vortex of devastation, swirling viciously as I was plagued with the realities of Jud’s suffering, death, and my subsequent life without him.  While my whole body was retching with each mental revolution, I felt like my mind was flailing about, hoping to find grounding for my spiraling soul.

Then, out of the depths of my pain, God reached down to help stabilize me… “In this world you will have trouble, Christina.  But take heart!  I have overcome the world.(John 16:33)

These words began to infiltrate my mind; over and over they played in my thoughts until my vertigo began to dissipate and I steadied.  And where there was severe pain, I was actually feeling comfort and hope.

Life can hurt so darn much, and I have become intimately acquainted with the pains of this world, but in the end, all my troubles have been conquered.  Suffering, death, and brokenness are not the end…God has overcome the world!

Indeed, I take heart! 



4 Responses to "Vertigo of Sorrow"

  1. Rebekah says:

    Just yesterday morning I was praying for you, that when the grief is especially heavy you would be clearly aware of God’s presence.

    It’s a blessing to read how personally He ministered to you right when you needed it!

  2. Jean and Gary Butler says:

    Oh my gosh, what an AWESOME scripture the Lord brought to you!!!!!God is indeed a good "stabilizer"…love HIS heart….and love yours
    for all you have been through.
    We just love you so much!!!!!!
    Jean and Gary

  3. hh says:

    SO encouraging, Christina. Thank you.

    My grandpa just went to be with Jesus yesterday morning. All day long I reflected on eternity, on how short this life is, on the fact that my grandpa gets to see my grandma again after 7 years of separation….and I wondered what he must be thinking, seeing and experiencing entering heaven for the first time…how incredible, beyond our imaginations it must be. And I thought of how he will get to meet Judson and everyone else who is already there. They (and we) will have all of eternity to spend together, having more fun than we can dream up, having the sweetest fellowship, and enjoying and worshipping our Father God forever.

    Love you, Christina, and praying for you every morning, every evening, and in between as God constantly brings you to my mind.

  4. kathy says:

    i’m feeling you sister. again, thank you for sharing. after your entries, i’m commonly brought to pondering about life as God sees it and remembering that our momentary pain, struggles, and seeming defeats are truly powerless to change or deplete that which God has already secured for us in and through Christ. may your moments of pain drive you all the more quickly into the arms of Jesus for comfort and renewal of hope.

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