Judson's Legacy

Utter Weakness


“You’re so strong!” was the phrase I heard from several people last night after sharing Judson’s story with a large group of women at a church in Whittier.  Each time those words met my ears, my stomach dropped—what an incomplete picture of me!

What they do not see on such an evening is my extreme weeping when I get in my vehicle to head home.  They are not privy to the sheer brokenness, intense sorrow, and disarray in my soul that explode when I am secluded in my car.  Furthermore, any encouragement from the evening is experienced with a sobering blow at the severe cost of losing our beloved boy.  I am so weak…feeling my fragility with every breath I take.

The only rational explanation when people perceive any strength in my life is that God might be making His strength known in my complete and utter weakness.  (2 Corinthians 12:9)

Praise be to God that this might be true!


5 Responses to "Utter Weakness"

  1. Vince says:

    What you perceive as weakness is your grief. Your strength is revealed to others in your courage and determination to go forward and tell Judson’s life story and your ability to maintain your faith in God in spite of your grief! The strength revealed comes from God.

    I can do all things through Him who strengthens me.

    But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.

    Vince ..forever missing Angel Vincie

  2. Wendy Heak says:

    Dear Christina,

    It is indeed the Lord who gives you the strength to continue and tell Judson’s story.

    Praying for you always.


  3. Jean and Gary Butler says:

    Oh Christina~The Lord is so working through you. I truly believe that your sorrow is part of his "workings"…it is said "it’s in the valleys that we grow".
    Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
    And lean not on your own understanding;
    In all your ways acknowledge him,
    And he will make your paths straight.”
    (Proverbs 3:5-6)
    We love you Christina!!!!!!
    Jean and Gary

  4. sabrina gavriilidis says:

    Hi Christina,

    I have heard that phrase so many times too. "You are so strong." If they could only see us behind closed doors. If they only new how much we wish we didn’t have to be "strong."

    With Love,

  5. Melissa Boice says:

    Hi Christina, thinking of you today as I often do and wishing that our Lord provides you with the peace you need to continue on this journey. Love you, girl.

    Kenji’s mommy

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