Jessie has just started getting used to having covers on her when she sleeps, so as I was tucking her into bed tonight, making sure she was “snug as a bug in a rug,” I told her some stories of when my mama used to put me to bed when I was a little girl.
I described how my mom would recite verses to me and then tuck the covers really tightly around me so I could barely move, then as she was leaving the room she would say, “Don’t let the bed bugs bite,” before turning off the lights and closing the door. But once I was alone, I would squirm around under the covers to loosen them. I loved the security of having the covers snugly around me, but could never sleep that way. Actually, in general, I loved the security of my childhood, the stability of my parents’ care.
As I kissed Jess goodnight this evening, turned off her light, and shut the door, I had a deep longing to be that child again, that innocent little girl who relished life with few cares or concerns. How did I become the mama? When did I grow up? I thought to myself. It feels like just yesterday that I was Jessie’s age, blowing kisses to my folks and coyly flashing the “I love you” sign to my dad with few burdens in my little world.
Somewhere along the way, fears, frustrations, and pains started creeping in; the challenges of life began to tear at the walls of my perceived stability, eroding my security. My parents, as wonderful as they are, could not ultimately provide the security for which I long. Neither can my hubby. No human being can.
But I believe God wants to meet my deepest longings for security. He wants me to be like a child in His protective care. He wants me to trust Him and has vowed never to leave or forsake me. God has declared that if He is my helper, I have nothing to fear (Hebrews 13:5-6).
I’m asking God for one thing, and only one thing:
To live with him in HIS house my whole life long.
That’s the only quiet, secure place in a noisy world.
— Psalm 27:4-5 The Message
And when he tucks me in, I don’t want to find myself squirming around to loosen the covers.