Judson's Legacy

Total Surrender

On Sunday our church congregation was lead to sing the hymn “I Surrender All.”  And as the worshippers habitually sung out the words to this song, it was as if everything in me wanted to stand up and shout, “Hold on!  Wait a minute!  Have we truly considered what these words mean?!??!  Have we thought about the gravity of the lyrics we are singing?  Do we get it?  These words do not say ‘a little,’ or ‘some,’ or even ‘most,’ but we are singing ‘ALL’?  Are we actually willing to surrender EVERYTHING?!?!”

“I had to surrender my BOY!!!!” I wanted to yell, “I had to lay him on the altar and God choose to take him.  I had to let go of my beloved child!!!”

“Do we get it?  Do we get what we’re talking about here?  We’re talking about surrendering, relinquishing, letting go, and laying EVERYTHING at the feet of Jesus for Him to do as He deems best.”

“It hurts! This surrendering hurts more than anything imaginable.  It tears at the very fabric of our being.  It goes against every fleshly desire.”

“These words cannot be sung flippantly!”

But I didn’t.  I didn’t cry out my heart to my church family.  Instead, I looked inwardly.

“Christina, will you continue to call me Blessed Savior?  Will you still give me EVERYTHING?  Will you ever love and trust Me?” the Lord tugged at my heart.

With fear, reverence, and even some reluctance I responded, “Yes, Lord,” and sang with intense emotion, “All to Jesus, I surrender.  Humbly at Your feet I bow.”

4 Responses to "Total Surrender"

  1. 33871 says:

    Dear Christina, it is amazing how much more VALUABLE our hymns become!!!! They are merely no longer "just words"….What you described above has become my daily joy…hymns mean so much more to me personally, since I have been part of your journey.I recall often, when you stood beside me at my church here in Az, and we sang "O church Arise". The lyrics have since then pierced straight to my soul. Thank you, Christina, for helping to remind many of us of just how such worthy hymns come to life as they should!

    "…When faced with trials on ev’ry side,
    We know the outcome is secure,
    And Christ will have the prize for which He died—
    An inheritance of nations.
    So Spirit, come, put strength in ev’ry stride,
    Give grace for ev’ry hurdle,
    That we may run with faith to win the prize
    Of a servant good and faithful.
    As saints of old still line the way,
    Retelling triumphs of His grace,
    We hear their calls and hunger for the day
    When, with Christ, we stand in glory."

  2. Robyn Morton says:

    Christina, Last night after I read this posting, I opened the book we will be studying in my small group Bible/book study. The book is Extraordinary Faith by Sheila Walsh. AS I usually do with new books for our study group, I sat down on my bed and began reading it cover-to-cover; then I go back and re-read each chapter each week with the group. One section in chapter 9 "A New Beginning" especially caught my eye; the heading for this section was "Fear and Faith". Sheila Walsh, who is a speaker with the Women of Faith conferences, shared that "giving birth to a child for the first and only time at 40 changed me in many ways….Whatever boundaries and barriers I had up around my heart before his birth were breached the moment he arrived, The depth of love that I felt for this boy overwhelmed me. Ever time he hurt, I hurt, too…." She goes on to describe a WOF conference in 2002 at which CeCe Winans sang "I Surrender All" and says that later that night as she was lying in bed, she heard God’s voice deep in her spirit asking if she did surrender EVERYTHING to Him? She replied yes, she did–her life, her home, her ministry, everything. Then God specifically asked "What about your son?" She writes that her heart began pounding, her palms became sweaty and she stumbled out of bed into the bathroom and sat in there thinking over things that had occurred in her life. She said she talked to God "…You have watched over me all the days of my life and I trust You. I trust You with my son and with my heart. I believe with everything in me that if something ever happens to Christian (her son), You will be with him, You will be with Barry (her husband), and You will be with me…The greatest joy and the hope I rest in is that forever, we will all be with You…" This passage in this book meant so much more to me because of your earlier posting and the fact that you have shared your incredible faith that even though you have been forced to surrender your precious son in a way that is unimaginable, your joy and hope–no–your knowledge– that you will be reunited with your Jud Bud still gives you the power to answer "Lord, I surrender all to You and to Your loving care. What an incredible testament!

  3. 33705 says:

    Beautiful message, Christina. I too have been brought to tears more than once in church as I sing words to songs I’ve sang many times before. Everything has such a different meaning now, doesn’t it….or not neccesarily different, we just hear it differently and pay more attention.

    With love and hope

  4. 45551 says:

    How your words and thoughts have struck deep in my soul.
    As I waited and wondered if my baby inside was still alive a just few months ago, I thought/prayed, "You may have this child, Lord, but you can’t take Ricky or Timmy."
    Stopping in my tracks, I was struck by the absurdity of that statement.
    It’s all His. They are all His.
    I am lucky to have been given the chance to have any of them.
    He can take them. I pray He doesn’t, but it’s not up to me, is it?
    Little Jimmy is with Him.
    "All the days ordained for (him) were written in Your book before they came to be."
    I’d have written it differently.
    But I know…I know…I know…His way is best. How hard though when His way is what I expected and certainly not what I wanted or prayed for.
    And so, we must surrender all. All.
    Even if, like you wrote, it may be a bit reluctantly.

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