Judson's Legacy

Throw My Hands Up

Things have been rough recently.  Along with our usual grief, we’ve faced varied challenges in conjunction with several disappointments.  It’s been a rough stint.  Obviously it has been an awful two years, but especially difficult recently as we have had to deal with other gunk.  It feels, once again, like we are barely treading water.

Truth be told, I’ve wanted to throw my hands up in the air and give up.  “I can’t do this!” I’ve cried out in my vacant car, tears pouring down my face.  “I just can’t do this anymore!”

And then I recall when I was younger how my dad would often tell me, “The word ‘can’t’ doesn’t need to be part of your vocabulary.  You CAN do it!”  He wanted to inspire a belief that I could, whatever the challenge or obstacle before me, overcome—he was instilling self-confidence and strength.

I especially need that strength right now.

God is calling me to persevere as my faith continues to be tested.  Perseverance is hard.  Perseverance is really hard when it feels like things may never let up, when I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, when my desert journey feels ridiculously long, and when the pain of life feels insurmountable.

I have wanted to throw in the towel.  Quit.

Then I am reminded of my goal…wholeness (I even subtitled my blog, long before Judson got ill, “My Journey Toward Wholeness”).  I want this life to lead me down a path toward wholeness.  James says, “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete.”  Whole.

Trials lead to perseverance.  Perseverance leads to wholeness.

I want to be whole.

I have no idea what lies beyond all this heartache, but I am convinced that God does not want me to circumvent the process of growth he desires to work in my heart through all my pain.

So I hear the voice of both my earthly dad and my Heavenly Father saying, “You CAN do it, Christina!”

And today, I persevered.

4 Responses to "Throw My Hands Up"

  1. Cathy Horner says:

    My mom just sent me some quotes written by Regina Brett, one struck me as fitting for your situations…

    "However good or bad a situation is, it will change."

    I KNOW you can see this as part of His big plans for you, so sorry you are in the valley at this time. I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers while God is molding you.

    With love, Cathy

  2. Brown fam says:

    Christina, you have helped us persevere with your awesomeness…keep it up sweetie!!! I hope it is o.k. to just thank you for all that you have shared throughout your grieving and unimaginable "life-situation"! My mom has been dying from Alzheimers for now 8 years, and it seems like the end is near. She was one of God’s angels and it is still impossible to find a reason for this to have occurred. But similar to what you said in your message, I just need to get out of His way! We love you guys and keep you in prayer!!!

  3. Sarah Jones says:

    Your dad is a very smart man! 🙂 You CAN do it! I am cheering for you!

  4. Jean and Gary Butler says:

    You CAN do it Christina…actually you ARE doing it.
    What an awesome and amazing person you are.
    We so love you~
    Jean and Gary

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