Things have been rough recently. Along with our usual grief, we’ve faced varied challenges in conjunction with several disappointments. It’s been a rough stint. Obviously it has been an awful two years, but especially difficult recently as we have had to deal with other gunk. It feels, once again, like we are barely treading water.
Truth be told, I’ve wanted to throw my hands up in the air and give up. “I can’t do this!” I’ve cried out in my vacant car, tears pouring down my face. “I just can’t do this anymore!”
And then I recall when I was younger how my dad would often tell me, “The word ‘can’t’ doesn’t need to be part of your vocabulary. You CAN do it!” He wanted to inspire a belief that I could, whatever the challenge or obstacle before me, overcome—he was instilling self-confidence and strength.
I especially need that strength right now.
God is calling me to persevere as my faith continues to be tested. Perseverance is hard. Perseverance is really hard when it feels like things may never let up, when I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, when my desert journey feels ridiculously long, and when the pain of life feels insurmountable.
I have wanted to throw in the towel. Quit.
Then I am reminded of my goal…wholeness (I even subtitled my blog, long before Judson got ill, “My Journey Toward Wholeness”). I want this life to lead me down a path toward wholeness. James says, “Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete.” Whole.
Trials lead to perseverance. Perseverance leads to wholeness.
I want to be whole.
I have no idea what lies beyond all this heartache, but I am convinced that God does not want me to circumvent the process of growth he desires to work in my heart through all my pain.
So I hear the voice of both my earthly dad and my Heavenly Father saying, “You CAN do it, Christina!”
And today, I persevered.