One of our pastors asked Drake and me to write first-person accounts of Mary and Joseph, Jesus’ parents, for the Christmas Eve service at our church.  Since my Spiritual Director, just a week before, had encouraged me to ponder my current loss in light of Mary’s experience, I knew this was an important “assignment” for me to engage.

As I reflected on Mary’s life, at the birth (and death) of her son, the Lord was challenging me, challenging me to consider Mary’s posture toward her precious boy and her Father in Heaven, and make it my own; I long for her heart to become the cry of my own heart!

Here is the monologue I composed for Mary as she journeyed through the pregnancy and birth of her son, my Savior.

…

We have long been awaiting the Messiah; yet this is not how we expected Him to come.  But in your great design, oh God, how can it be, that you have found favor with me, Mary, that I might be part of your plan for bringing redemption to your people?  I am but a poor, 13 year old, maidservant.  I come from such a lowly estate.  Who am I, that you, the God of the universe, would choose to make me a vessel for your purposes?

And I’m a virgin!  It is impossible for me to be pregnant, and Joseph and I are not yet married.  What will happen with Joseph?  Surely this will disgrace him, and I could be stoned for such immorality. 

Oh Lord, I’m so afraid.  But I trust you.  I am your handmaiden.  Do your work in me just as you have said.  My life and my body are yours, to do with as you please.  I submit myself to you.

…

I marvel.  A baby is now growing in my womb; could it really be our Savior, in my womb?  I feel this baby kick and I am in awe.  I have the miracle of life developing in my body from the touch of the Holy Spirit.  I stand in wonder and amazement at your work, O Lord, that you have sought to entrust Emmanuel to my care.  Every generation will see the honor you have bestowed on me, your humble servant.  You did not choose the rulers of the world to further your kingdom, but rather the meek.  I praise you!

I wait with great anticipation for the arrival of your child, my son.  But I am also full of questions.  How do I parent the Anointed One?  What will it mean to love and raise the Messiah?  How do I prepare my heart for His coming?  My Heavenly Father, please continue to grant me wisdom.  Please guide Joseph and me.  Give us your strength and understanding; teach us your ways, that we may follow. 

…

Oh, sweet baby Jesus, I am in awe that you are here now, in my arms.  I love you!  I will know you like no other person on this earth, and yet you are beyond my understanding.  I feel so ill-equipped, frail, and weak, but I will be faithful, faithful to Your Father who has chosen me to be your mother.

Oh Lord, I hold to my chest the most precious of gifts, the greatest gift to the world, the Son of the Most High God.  People are coming from near and far to worship and honor this little child, the one I hold, my precious boy.  This little baby that I kiss, swaddle, feed, change, bathe-this child to whom I sing, is the King of all Kings?!  How can it be?  I look into the eyes of my sweet baby Jesus, and know that I have been honored and blessed far beyond what any woman has ever been, or ever will be.

I adore you Jesus, my son, and my King!

…

Merry Christmas!  Emmanuel has come, and for that, even in our sorrow, we have tremendous reason to rejoice!!!