At Judson’s graveside service, each person was given a stone. We were told to hold our stone throughout the service; at the end we would build a small monument to commemorate God’s power and grace reflected in the life of our Jud. Part of the process would be letting go of our stone as a symbolic act of letting go of Jud, releasing him into the arms of Jesus.
Clearly, Judson was already gone, already in the presence of his Maker, but I needed to release him in my heart. I remember running my thumb over the smooth sides of my rock, back and forth, not wanting to lay down my stone, not wanting to let go of Judson.
But I did.
As I placed my stone amongst the other stones, it became apparent that this was as an act of submission-a willingness to relinquish not only Jud, but to submit my whole life to my Father, even when it entails searing pain.
There, by Judson’s open grave, was a pile of rocks, celebrating his life and pointing to the character of his Creator. This stone monument was placed in Jud’s vault before it was lowered into the ground.
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When we arrived home that day, November 13th, 2007, we had a basket still filled with stones. I decided to use the leftover stones to build a similar memorial outside our front door. As I placed each stone, I considered once again what they symbolized-letting go. And the completed altar would serve as a reminder, each time I saw it, of God’s grace in our lives.
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This last week, Jessie and I have been playing outside a great deal. These stones, near our door, have occupied much of her time. She will pick them up one by one, bring them over to where I am seated, and slowly recreate the stone monument. Then I will move myself to a new location and she will go through the whole routine again. She finds great pleasure in rebuilding the altar of rocks again and again, sometimes several times a day.
This rebuilding of the altar seems symbolic of my need to continually let go of Judson, submitting my whole self to my Creator. It is not a one-time exercise. Just as Jessie is literally reconstructing this memorial of rocks, I need to figuratively rebuild this monument in my heart, many times each day. And as I submit and let go, may I see reminders of the grace and power of almighty God.
