When we had a special tree planted in honor of Judson at the park outside our home, it did not take long for it to lose its leaves for winter, even though it was planted in the summer. Not knowing much about trees and because its cycle seemed off season, I began to get concerned that this sweet memorial sapling was ill and may be struggling for survival.
However, the other day I went out to the tree and discovered that lively new buds and leaves were appearing on the young sycamore. It was beautiful!
And as I gazed at this fresh growth, reflective of good things to come, I had hope that it could be a picture of my life.
I have felt stripped bare and at times lifeless from my grief and sorrow, discouraged by a lifetime of living without my son. It is as though Judson’s suffering and death stripped me of all signs of vibrancy like a weak, bare tree. However, I have hope that fresh buds and tender leaves will begin springing up in my soul again, that there will be new signs of life growing within me.
Our lives are a movement through one season after another and after living so long in the bleakness of winter I am encouraged to see small little signs that spring will someday come again in my heart.
Christina,
I will be looking at the signs of spring in a whole new light. In our yard we planted a tree very similar if not the same (?) and noticed the leaves bursting to life this week. Thank you for the constant reminders of how tender life is through the memories you share.
XOXO, Cathy Horner
Christina,
I know this may not mean very much now, because im not pregnant, nor am I dating at the moment. But, I have picked out a name that means a very great deal to me. But wanted to ask your permission….
Brayden Judson
Your son has touched me and my life in so many ways, it would be impossible to sit here and tell you just how. I think my e-mails conveyed that the best way I knew how. I sit and watch your blogs, and videos daily. I watch his every morning for inspiration to be kind to everyone I come across, to laugh throughout the day and enjoy the simple things in life.
Watching him also helps me be a better nanny to the 4 kids I take care of. To laugh a little more, enjoy them even when they are grouches, not get so angry when the potty trainer pees her pants, or the 3 year old dumps her toybox all over her bedroom floor and won’t pick it up.
Thank you for sharing your son with us Christina, it really means the world.
Christina, I love your blogs. They let me know that my feelings are true and common to others who grieve. This was from my daily grief email. I thought it might make you feel more normal. Dr. Robert Jeffress states,
"Christians need to be given permission to grieve. They do not need to feel like they’ve fallen if they are grieving. They need to be reminded that what they are experiencing is normal.
I think that there are a lot of us out there who have lost loved ones and your blogs give us a shoulder to cry on internet style. Thank you and keep writing.
Christina~This came to mine~
"Weeping shall endureth the night; but JOY cometh in the morning".
We love you so much~
Jean and Gary
Beautiful analogy, Christina!
Love you and praying for you today and this week as you prepare to head overseas.