Back in 2000, my friend Dana, a Biola colleague at the time, gave me a book for my birthday that proved to be formative to my creative process, affecting all my subsequent writing.
It’s not a narrative, a faith-based read, a writing manual, or an imaginative story, but rather a compelling collection of art journals that give the reader insight into the raw struggles of a woman in her early 20’s “becoming herself.”
Spilling Open, by Sabrina Ward Harrison, is an experience rather than a read — each page is splashed with photos, vibrant colors, drawings, and hand-written words that find the reader turning and tilting the book sideways and upside-down to unwrap the content of another’s soul. I became wrapped up in the expanse of Sabrina’s inner thoughts; it was not necessarily that her struggles were my own, but rather, her vulnerability was powerful and gripping. I connected to the rawness of her words and pictures, to the depth of her passion, and most importantly peered into a freedom that seemed to emerge from bearing her heart openly. The book held me in awe, challenged me to grow, and inspired me to creatively convey the depths of my own internal journey.
Just a couple weeks after receiving the book, Drake and I spent several days in Crestline, CA to rest and relax. We enjoyed much of our time sitting by Lake Gregory soaking in the sunshine…and this is where my own “spilling open” began.
I had long been a journaler, but my writing started to take new form. I embarked on an exploration of my insecurities, fears, and questions; the unconscious constraints that had long kept me from wanting to feel those pains had somehow been torn away. I started gushing the tangled mess of my soul onto the page before me: my frailties, ugliness, uncertainties, frustrations, and angst. I let it pour out, and the more I did, strangely, the more whole I felt.
Somewhere over the last decade, Spilling Open wound up sitting on my bookshelf. The other day, my friend, Bronwen, brought it to my attention and I pleasantly recalled the pages that I realize had unwittingly proved foundational to No Artificial Colors or Flavors, this blog.
And I was reminded to “live it all, the doubt –the desire, the overwhelming ache, and that to feel so deeply is good—it is real…allowing us to experience God’s huge love and acceptance of us AS IS” (Sabrina Ward Harrison).
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How do you creatively express your soul?
I write, dance, and play guitar. Though I don’t have any of my own songs to play so I use others, I put my own creative spin on them when singing/playing. 🙂
I scrapbook. I love to take pictures and every picture tells a story, so I write it down. It’s good therapy for me and something I hope my older son will cherish someday as his own personal history books.
Marissa and Deb…thank you SO much for sharing the ways you express your soul. I LOVE the creativity and am fascinated by the different ways people engage what’s inside.
Thank you for this post, Christina, and for once again sharing your soul and creativity with us.
As a side note, I am fascinated by how people get/got to where they are, and LOVED reading how this component of your writing was impacted by this book. I also am glad for the introduction to the book and have put it on my wish-list…and have thought of a few other people I think would appreciate it also.
I’m still figuring out ways of creatively expressing my soul, but here are a few current ones…
Writing "poetry", journaling, providing hospitality, documenting snapshots of life through photography (my kids, other children, parents with their children, families, etc, tend to be my favorites. I love capturing those little moments that in looking back are so fleeting), and dancing, even though I don’t really know how. Something about that physical moment and outward expression of what’s inside is just unmatched. I used to ice skate, and while I was definitely NOT the greatest and had my limitations for sure, it was unbelievably freeing, exhilarating and expressive.
Someday, when I have more time, I would also love to…
Blog, take dance classes so I can dance with more expression and freedom, ice skate again, learn guitar so I can play/sing/write music, scrapbook, etc.
Creatively expressing your soul means positioning your life in such a way to actually listen to and know your soul first and/or along with expressing it. I’m still working on that part too. 🙂 I will say that reading your blog and book almost always puts me in touch with some aspect of my soul. A release somehow to access it, and often a sense of freedom to express it. Thank you again for your rawness, vulnerability and honesty.
Oh, and somehow food is a simple but fun way for me to express. I love eating out at fine restaurants for the "experience" along with the food, but budget doesn’t allow for that right now, so I enjoy making it at home, experimenting with it, enjoying it, sharing it.
And the other thing is creating experiences/making memories. I’m an "experience collector" like my dad. I love to create, coordinate or partake in memorable experiences, whether they be simple or elaborate. I hadn’t really thought about it this way, but that’s often me creatively expressing my soul. Cool!! (for example, I usually don’t do much for birthdays, but back on my 30th, I wanted to do something FUN, new and make a memory. I thought about what that would mean for me, and ended up renting a small sailboat, inviting my siblings, and going sailing out on the Pacific for a few hours. SO beautiful and so FUN!
Ok, enough from me…you just got me thinking about all this. 🙂
Oh, and somehow food is a simple but fun way for me to express. I love eating out at fine restaurants for the "experience" along with the food, but budget doesn’t allow for that right now, so I enjoy making it at home, experimenting with it, enjoying it, sharing it.
And the other thing is creating experiences/making memories. I’m an "experience collector" like my dad. I love to create, coordinate or partake in memorable experiences, whether they be simple or elaborate. I hadn’t really thought about it this way, but that’s often me creatively expressing my soul. Cool!! (for example, I usually don’t do much for birthdays, but back on my 30th, I wanted to do something FUN, new and make a memory. I thought about what that would mean for me, and ended up renting a small sailboat, inviting my siblings, and going sailing out on the Pacific for a few hours. SO beautiful and so FUN!
Ok, enough from me…you just got me thinking about all this. 🙂
Dear Christina,
I’m awake at 3:30 and can’t go back to sleep so have enjoyed reading some of your blogs and this one particularly spoke to me. thanks for your honest sharing of your heart and examining our faith and the experiences of someone who left the faith and your reasons for staying with it. Great insight and heartfelt sharing of your journey and a reminder of Jud’s faith and his pointing you to God. It brought back the memories of my one night with him and in the midst of his pain and confusion and not rally knowing me at all, his beautiful smile when I recognized Thomas the train. I’ll never forget his smile and wish I would have had more time with him. I will enjoy getting to know him in Heaven. Love to you and I can feel your pain and am so sorry for it as you are packing and gtting ready to move.
Love, Teri