I’m up in the middle of the night tonight feeling a deep, unsettled, provoking pain in my soul without an understanding as to what specifically triggered such a stir in me. My mind is racing around, jumping from recent experiences, to various interpersonal interactions, to the complexities of my current sorrow, to my desires to love well, to some things in life I wish I could have done differently, so on and so forth. Something has been aroused in my heart but all I feel is an ambiguous ache stirring around inside. I want to ignore it and sleep, but it just keeps gnawing at me.
My emotional nerves tend to be incredibly sensitive. Sometimes I wish I could simply turn off my mind and heart, or deaden and dull them. Sometimes I wish I could just be numb.
But I am not.
And, in fact, I imagine my active feelings are a sign of life.