It became apparent to me today that I am slowly separating from my intense attachment to Judson’s gravesite. Over the last couple months I have been spending less time with each visit. Whereas I used to lie on the grass for hours, the time has gradually been lessening and the intensity of my emotions has been stabilizing.
Then today, Thursday afternoon, when I would normally, after dropping Jessie off with her grandpa, head straight to Fairhaven Memorial Park, I didn’t. My usual compulsion to visit was not present, so I chose not to go.
But as I sit here in Starbucks pouring out my soul by plunking the keys of my computer, I feel my heart throbbing with this realization. To slowly separate from some of the physical attachments when a loved one has passed can be considered healthy, but to realize it is happening hurts.