Judson's Legacy

Sandy Shore


My Dear Jud Bud,

I’m sitting on the beach where I used to play as a child.  It is beautiful.  I recall those days when I had not a care in the world…running, laughing, and playing, a time in life when my only concern was the chaffing sand in my bathing suit. 

You and I played on this beach together too.  You squished the sand between your toes, climbed on the rocks, wrote in the sand with a stick, all the while hesitating to let the tiny waves lap onto your feet.  It was November 2, 2006; we never fathomed we were just a year from your death.

But now, today marks 2 ½ years since losing you…

Here I lay, prone on the same beach, watching the tears drip off my face, saturating the sand below.  Who would have imagined in my childhood days on this shore that almost thirty years later I would be the woman sobbing on the seaside as other children play nearby, heartbroken over the turns that life has taken, heartbroken over losing you.

My heart is filled with inexpressible longing for you, Judson, and great anguish over how unfamiliar you now feel.  I don’t know whether you are still almost three years old, or aging in heaven, or already a mature soul, but I am acutely aware that who you are, fully alive in heaven, is different from who you were.  And although you are now perfect in every way, who you were is all I know.

I so desperately want to know you now.  Every day I wish I could reach beyond the veil that separates us and peer into your world.  Maybe I could catch a glimpse of you splashing and laughing on a sandy shore, truly free from every encumbrance of this earthly life, your smile glistening off the water as you splash and play.  But instead I am relegated to longings that cannot be fulfilled by my imagination.

Oh how I miss you, Juddy!  And with each passing day, my longings for you grow.

Until that day when you and I are reunited on that glorious shore, I hope you are able to peer beyond the veil and see my deep love for you and the impact, by God’s grace, that your sweet spirit is having on people’s lives.

I continue to stand in awe that I have been given the gift to be your mama.

I love you with all my heart,


6 Responses to "Sandy Shore"

  1. hh says:

    Tears are dripping off MY face now. My heart has been with you all day today, knowing it’s the 7th. I love you so much, Christina, and I’m sending you a huge hug and wishes for a special, joy-filled Mother’s Day for you, even though I know it will be incredibly bittersweet. Love, Heather

  2. Rebekah says:

    Oh Christina, it’s so hard to believe that he has been gone 2 1/2 years! He matters SO much! This morning I noticed that it was the 7th too, and thought of you. I am so sorry for the veil between you and your boy… my heart goes out to you as I know you can’t even express in words how much you long for connection with Judson. I pray the Lord will wrap you in His comfort today and flood your mind with sweet, sweet memories.

  3. Freya Remmer says:

    Hi Christina,

    I was having a difficult day, and it’s amazing how even reading your letter to Judson brings comfort… just the way you express yourself and how you have those "eyes that see". God really has given you those eyes. It’s amazing to think about.

    Persevere, persevere, persevere… slow and steady perseverance…

    In Him,


  4. Katrina says:

    I’m thinking of you this weekend… of the mother you are to your two lovely children. One may be in Heaven, but it doesn’t change that you’re a mother of TWO! I pray you are celebrated this weekend by Jessie and Drake, and that you sense that Judson too, wishes you a Happy Mother’s Day!

    This is my first Mother’s Day as a Mother. I’ve realized that I’ve begun to better understand the love of our FATHER, now that I am a parent. What a BEAUTIFUL thing that our Father can hold you as you grieve… He knows that grief!

    Blessings on you!

  5. Amy Dresher says:

    I pray that you know how much you are being lifted up in prayer on days like today. Judson was such a special boy and you were such wonderful parents to him, he definitely knew how loved he was and I know he watches over you and sees the love flowing from you still!

  6. Amy Moore says:

    Has I read your words today,I feel so sorry for you.But I want you to know that Judson,does know how you love him so..Dont think for a minute that he doesnt..He was very lucky in many ways..he was very lucky to have such caring and loving parents,such has you and Drake..On days that are very very hard,just try to remember that you all will be reunited.Has he is healed from that horrible disease,and being a normal little boy now.He feels no pain..I only so hope that time may heal your wounds.All though they will never be fully healed.Try to remember all the great time you had together.Judson does know how much you do love him,remember that..

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