Judson's Legacy

Rough Transition

Judson at 28 months old.

I don’t know what emotions most parents experience on the first night of transitioning their child to a “big kid” bed, but ours was wrought with anguish this evening.

It feels like ages ago that our home was filled with the life and energy of two healthy kiddos, while the milestones of each child were met with tremendous excitement and joy in celebration of their development.  However, since losing Jud, each new milestone for Jessie has been filled with grief.  Whether it be remembering when Judson met the same milestone, or imagining Jud sharing alongside us in the excitement, or giving to our girl things that were once her brother’s,  Jessie’s transitions over the last year have been bittersweet.

Tonight was no exception.

After Jessie picked out special “girly” sheets and a pretty flower pillow this afternoon, I spent some time this evening rearranging the furniture in her room, putting the sheets on her “big girl” bed and getting it ready for her transition.  But my heart broke as I smelled the mattress pad that had covered Jud’s bed.  Tears fell when I pulled out the guard rail that had once protected Jud from falling out of bed.  And the emotion flowed as I adorned her bed with pink, remembering when I had first prepared the same bed with Lightening McQueen.

Fortunately, Jessie had no reason not to be absolutely thrilled with her new digs.  She jumped right up on her “big girl” bed and grinned from ear to ear.  We observed wonder and enthusiasm exuding from her.

Later, we proceeded to share with Jessie a little bit about the time when she and Jud slept in the same room and how he slept in that same bed.  We described how he would talk to her and comfort her when she was crying.  Jessie smiled.  Then a few moments later she announced, “Judson…he is going to sleep with me in my big girl bed,” as she patted her pink polka dot sheets, “when he gets a little bit bigger!”

Oh, how I wish that were true!!

Jessie at 28 months old.


10 Responses to "Rough Transition"

  1. Sarah Johnson says:

    Christina, I wish that I could offer some words of comfort for you. I can only imagine how hard it is for you to experience things with Jesse, that remind you so much of your sweet boy. I love you, and am continuing to lift you up in prayer.

  2. Brandi says:

    Yes, the transition to the big girl (or big boy) bed is HUGE! We did it tonight from the toddler bed/room shared with baby brother to "Big Girl Bed/Room" all by herself (tonight we did this). It’s huge! I can only imagine how you felt/feel. Thank you for sharing your feelings! Brandi

  3. michele stump says:

    I’m so sorry Christina. I am praying for you right now.

  4. lisa taylor says:

    I think this has been one of the hardest entries for me to read. My heart is broken. I want the Lightning Mcqueen stuff to stay on the bed!!!! -Lisa

  5. Christina Levasheff says:

    Thanks for caring so much Lisa. I thought you might want to know that the McQueen stuff is on the upper bunk, which is where our boy would have been had he lived to see his little sister transition to the "big girl" bed. McQueen is definitely not gone!

  6. 53813 says:

    I am new here. Last night I read a lot about Judson and shed tears after reading different comments. Even though Judson is no longer physically here, he still touches many lives.

    What touches me even more, is your courage to still trust in God. You never gave up… not on God nor on your son. This makes you so remarquable.

    Again, thanks for sharing this very touching story with all your friends.

  7. Christy Frawley says:

    Dearest Christina and Drake,
    You are amazing and faithful servants of our Great Lord Jesus. Your posts are so touching and remind me of how precious each day is in our walk on this earth. Your sweet Judson had such an impact on so many and we will always remember him. Jessie is adorable and what a precious little ladybug she is! We look forward to your posts, especially to help us pray specifically for you all. We send warm hugs, love and pray for God’s continual comfort and blessings on your family. Chris and Bill Frawley

  8. Rebekah says:


    I’m SO GLAD you left the Lightning McQueen bedding on the top bunk!! It just seems "right".

    Jud would have been so proud to see Jessie take this big step of growing up. I wish he could have been there, hanging over the edge of the bunk, and enjoying enthusiastic conversation with his sister!

    Thanks for the postscript- I’m so glad that you didn’t have to dismantle Jud’s bed to make room for Jessie.

    Love and prayers,


  9. Ksenia says:

    In April my Michael turns 28 months (now he is almost 25 mo, his birthday is December 2). And, I am already thinking of a big boy’s bed for him. Though Mike is still walking not well (but we work, we perform occupational therapy), I think that such bed will make his self-judgement higher – as our psychologist said to us, Misha understands well that at the moment he is mentally retarded, he is different with other children of his age.
    I am waiting hardly the moment when Misha will, for the first time in his life, use his big boy’s bed!
    And – sweet dreams for Jessie in her new bed!

  10. Allie says:

    I was reading through comments, and felt that leaving his bed on the top bunk, was so right. And little jessie, that kid pulls at my heart strings. That’s juds jessie girl, and I can almost see him hanging over the bed making her giggle when they should be sleeping. You’ve touched many, many lives, and I pray for your family. I also agree, that your continued faith in the lord is remarkable.

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