Last Wednesday Drake and I were offered an opportunity with great, but uncertain potential—we felt strongly inclined to pursue it, yet it has led us down a road of risk. We have risked a huge amount of time (10-12 hours for several days**), energy, and resources, all of which we have had a limited supply, along with an emotional investment that can’t be overstated.
And now we’re waiting. We’re waiting to see if our risk leads to great reward or enormous disappointment.
We all know that without taking risks in life, there is little to be gained. But right now I am sitting with the very real possibility of disappointment…and I am not handling that prospect very well.
In one sense I look at the intense disappointment of God choosing not to heal Judson and every other disappointment pales in comparison. But on the other hand, every subsequent disappointment after experiencing the death of my boy feels like it compounds my pain exponentially.
And so, here I sit—struggling in the waiting for fear that there is disappointment and discouragement on the other side.
Do not fear, for I am with you;
Do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
–Isaiah 41:10
**It is for this reason that I was unable to post my Thankful Thursday last week or do any other blog writing. My Thankful Thursday this week would simply relfect my gratitude for this opportunity (despite my fears about the result).
I’m praying for you and Drake. You are never far from my thoughts.
xoxo
I’m praying for you and your family. This part "In one sense I look at the intense disappointment of God choosing not to heal Judson and every other disappointment pales in comparison. But on the other hand, every subsequent disappointment after experiencing the death of my boy feels like it compounds my pain exponentially." really spoke to me. I have experienced that same compounding pain…
HUGSSSSSS
I wonder if today’s God Calling devotional will be of comfort. It can be requested as a daily email as well as being found in the classic book. I can hardly wait to hear about the project. I hope you can share one day when it leads to the "great reward" that’s a possible outcome. I pray for no more losses; only eternal and comforting gains in faith, hope and love.
Refuge
Know My Divine Power. Trust in Me. Dwell in My Love. Laugh and trust. Laughter is a child’s faith in God and good.
Seek safety in My Secret Place.
You cannot be touched or harmed there. That is sure.
Really feel as if you were in a strong Tower, strongly guarded, and against which nothing can prevail.
For in the time of trouble He shall hide me in His pavilion; in the secret of His tabernacle shall He hide me. Psalm 27:5
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http://www.twolisteners.org
I will be praying that you are both not disappointed in what you are waiting for. 🙂
I love that verse by the way, it is one of my favorites.
During these days I’ve been thinking a lot about you and your family. It was very strange to me not to find your new blog updates. I hope your project will give you good news, I hope you can tell us about it soon, too. I will be praying for you through these hard times.
A big hug!
You said it well, all progress involves some risk. I also see that you already realize that no disappointment can even compare with your loss of Jud. Sooooo… be cool. God has a plan and he put the opportunity before you and you took it.
I have been thinking a lot about Jud lately. I was visiting Stan and Lori (is it now four summers ago), and Jud was there. Stan’s tree was was full of ripe plums and Jud was given one. He so enjoyed that plum and practically plastered his face with the juice. We both had a really nice time that day.