Judson's Legacy

Renewed Hope


My every breath is filled with hope for the day when God will wipe away every tear, and there will be no more death, or sorrow, or crying, the day when pain will be no more (Revelation 21:4).

But 2010, in particular, left me trying to find hope for this lifetime—my eyes were blurry from pain and my prayers of desperation felt as though they were bouncing around in a dark void, unheard—present hope was eluding me.  I begged God for new glimpses into his faithful provision, of his plan for our future, of his love and care.

When we got news that our home foreclosed and we were being forced to move, leading to very disconcerting issues with our landlord, it felt like the final blow to my already frail hope.  I admit to many episodes of shouting aloud in a vacant room, “Why do you despise us?  What have we done?  Why don’t you care?”  Feeling abandoned and forgotten by God, I found myself in another heap of questions, concerns, and aches.

What I did not know at the time was that the foreclosure was actually part of God’s answer to my pleading and would wind up providing a new glimpse into his faithful provision, his plan for our future, and his love.

We have been living in our new home now for over a month; it has felt like grace pouring down from heaven.  I could not even begin to list here the numerous gifts we are experiencing while living in our new pad.  And while many of them are things we specifically looked for in our search for a new place, there have also been several unexpected blessings.

We are living a block away from my Ventura childhood friend, Kelly—a candle-lighter in our wedding and a dear friend through many seasons of my life, including Jud’s illness, who also has a daughter just 3 months older than Jessie.  How cool is that?!  We moved onto a street with other small children who have already become welcome friends for our Jessie-Girl.  We have an expansive area surrounding our home where Jessie can safely play, ride, scoot, run and explore. And the list could go on…

But some of the blessings have actually been things we didn’t necessarily even desire, yet now see we needed.

Moving has given us a fresh start.  We have new energy.  We have been able to break some of our sorrowful rhythms that had inevitably become part of our daily lives.  Our souls are finding renewal in the haven that is now our home.

Interestingly, in hindsight, the circumstances that followed the signing of our new lease now seem to make it even more clear to me that God was involved in this move, though I couldn’t see it at the time.

What many do not know is that a few days after committing to live in this home by putting down a deposit, we were informed that our eviction was being canceled by Freddie Mac; the foreclosure was being reversed (for those who don’t know, this is absolutely unheard of!).  This meant we were no longer required to move.  However, seeing as we had already fully committed to a new place, a move was still imminent.  This left me incredibly frustrated, broken, and confused, especially because we would no longer receive any of the benefits offered to us as tenants in a foreclosure situation while also needing to continue to deal with our boorish landlord.

I was reeling inside.  Again shouting aloud in a vacant room, “Why do you despise us?  What have we done?  Why don’t you care, God?”

As I now feel the showers of grace in our new abode, it seems to me that what felt like a cruel joke at the time was actually God’s intervention on behalf of our family—God’s provision and loving plan.  My sorrow had blinded me and led to distrust, but even so, God still graciously showed his faithfulness.

We needed to move.  I’m not sure I could have ever done it on my own.  God knew.  God interceded in the circumstances.  Maybe God even allowed the home to foreclose and then be reversed, just to uproot us.  Whatever the case, I have renewed hope.

Thank you, God.

Where have you seen God’s faithfulness even when you’ve lacked faith?

7 Responses to "Renewed Hope"

  1. Sue says:

    Wow. I’m floored by God’s obvious loving hand in all the details of hour life. So encouraged!

  2. Melanie says:


    I’m so encouraged by this testimony!

    We’ve been waiting for about a month to hear if Luke got this great teaching opportunity in Santa Barbara and last Friday, after the ups and downs of hoping/wondering/analyzing and lots of well-timed sermons on patience, he brought Luke and I both to a place of desiring it strongly but holding it loosely so that it doesn’t become our identity or an idol. I’ve really never had to do that to this degree before and I realize that others (including you) have had to do it to much more intense degrees.

    But I woke up this morning feeling down again. It’s raining, I don’t have as much going on to keep my mind off of it, and I’m trying to over-analyze the situation again. So I turned on some notoriously joyful worship music (from IHOP and Bethel ministries) and between that and your post – my hope is renewed. Not based on the outcome of whether or not Luke gets this particular job and all the desired new things that could come with that, but because God is good and generous even when He doesn’t give us exactly what we think we need.

    Thanks for the reminder, friend.

    =), mel

    PS Tell Kelly I said hi!

  3. Robyn says:

    Isn’t it marvelous how God continues to give us what we NEED, which is not always the same as what we WANT. I confess that I was excited for you when I first learned that you were going to have to move because I saw it as an opportunity for all of you, but especially Jessie, to have a new beginning in a place that was not filled with Judson. And I don’t mean that in a bad or hurtful way. But now, instead of sharing a space filled with memories, both good and bad of Jud, you will be able to fill this new space with the memories you choose. Yet I also felt great sorrow that you were being uprooted and leaving that special place filled with memories. God is so good to us, even when we doubt and question.

  4. Dawn Mills says:

    Wow! Isn’t it awesome how God works. So happy that you are experiencing this hope and joy in your new home.
    Much love…

  5. aunt sue says:

    Christy, the word "despise" causes my spirit to cringe. It is soooo unlike our God. It can’t even be a part of Him. So diametrically opposed . . . .

  6. Darlene says:

    How ironic that I chose this night to read your post. I have a family member who lost his wife,my sister this past November. He was trying to start a new chapter in his life. A new beginning without the love of his life. Then tonight as I went for a family visit. He informed me that his home was also being foreclosed. Apparently the owner pocket the house payments shortly after his wife passed away instead of paying the bank the monthly mortgage payments. A home he has worked long hard hours for several years to own is being swept away from him. Memories he shared with his wife and family in this home are being taken away in a blink of an eye. I told him God will always love you,provide for you,and never forsake you.I then continued on to say that even tho you maybe losing your home this may be a blessing in disguise. I hugged him before I left. He too will have a new beginning in life and like you he will have many new blessings to cherish in his new home.

  7. Aunt Sue, I read your words and I agree that my words to God were completely antithetical to his character…but I admit to having felt them in the depth of my pain, as wrong as they were. And I don’t hesitate to share my honest struggle here, even if it shows my depravity; I trust God can use it. All that said, sometimes the heartache can make us blind…I guess that’s why we constantly need to cry out for "Eyes that See."

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