The loss of Jud continues to take us places we would never otherwise be.  Organizations, causes, and events that were completely unfamiliar to us in our life with Jud, have now become an important part of our life without Jud.

We attended a festival on Saturday that supports the Wishland Organization that provides assistance to children with life-threatening conditions.  It was a wonderful event for kids and Jessie had a fabulous time enjoying many new experiences (see Festival of Fun).  But the highlight of the day was the butterfly release.

We had the opportunity to purchase a butterfly in honor of Judson.  We sat their holding this white triangular cardboard container, trying to get a glimpse of the little creature we were about to release in memory of our beloved boy.  Drake and I fought back tears, all the while I was asking myself, “How did we get here?  How did this become our journey?  How did the butterfly become symbolic of our boy?”

I wanted to hold on to the butterfly forever.  I wanted to keep it.  I didn’t want to let it go.  But the time came for us to set it free, allow it to leave captivity and darkness, and let it soar.  We saw it take flight and then it was quickly gone.  However, as much as I did not want to release our butterfly, I was glad to know it was free.

Similarly, I wanted to hold on to Judson forever.  I wanted to keep him.  I didn’t want to let him go.  But the time came for us to set him free, to help him leave the captivity and darkness of his broken body, and become whole.  He was definitely gone too quickly, but as much as I didn’t want to release Jud, I am glad to know he is free, even freer than the butterfly!