Judson's Legacy

Reaching Through the Slats

This morning I woke to Jessie’s little voice on the monitor crying, “I can’t get it!  I can’t get it!  I need help!  I want it, Mommy!  Help me, pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase!  I want it!  I can’t get it!”

I looked on the video monitor and saw her reaching her arm through the slats in her crib, trying, unsuccessfully, to grasp something that seemed to have rolled under her bed and out of view.  I watched for quite some time as she cried out in devastation and labored in vain to obtain that which she had lost.  It was clear she would not be able to reclaim her toy without me—she was confined to the crib.  However, Jessie needed to stay in her bed a little while longer.  It’s not that I didn’t want her to have her toy—I had great compassion on her—but I simply had to take care of some things which required her to wait.  I only delayed a few moments before I reunited Jessie with her lost possession, however, the waiting seemed like an eternity to her.  She could hardly bear it!

As I watched Jessie on the monitor, I saw a metaphor for my own experience.

I am regularly crying out, “I can’t reach him!  I can’t get Jud!  I need Jud!  I want him, dear Father!  Help me, pleeeeeeeeaaaaaaaase!  I want Jud!  I can’t get him!”

Judson was so tangible just a “moment” ago and I know he still exists; it’s just that I can’t see him and touch him anymore.  It feels devastating to be separated from him.  And I will not see Jud again without my Lord Jesus.  He is the only One who can reunite me with my “Munchy Munch”.  I know God has compassion on me in this circumstance, yet it is clearly not time for Him to intervene.  Part of the Lord’s beautiful plan includes my reunion with my son in eternity, but He has determined good reasons for me to wait.  Yet, for me, a lifetime feels far too long before I see Jud again.  However, from the Lord’s perspective, it is just a little blip in time. 

Does this mean that Jessie shouldn’t have been crying out for her toy?  Of course not!  Her response was completely appropriate considering how much she desired what she had lost.  But I have a feeling if she could have seen things from a broader point of view, it would have helped her bear the separation a little bit better.

In the wake of losing my little man, crying out for him is a proper reaction to my loss.  However, I want to maintain an eternal point of view…the Lord’s compassion and plans give purpose to my waiting and can help me to gain perspective until Jud and I are back together again.

There may still be times I reach my hand through the slats, trying unsuccessfully to grasp that which I’ve lost, but Lord, help me to grow in understanding Your purposes in my waiting and yearning.

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