Judson's Legacy

Part of My Heart


My dear Jud Bud,

It is hard to believe 5 years ago today you made me a mama – the most blessed mama there ever could be.  One look into your already bright eyes and I knew, for the first time, the depths of a mother’s love.  Just moments after you entered this world, the nurses put your beautiful, just-out-of-the-womb body next to my heart – I felt your warmth, your breath, and your heart beat, amazed that you were my boy!  And then I glanced over at your daddy and saw tears of joy streaming down his face, just as they were streaming down mine.  What a glorious day December 24, 2004 proved to be! 

Turning 5 years old is quite a milestone, Judson…
It crushes me that it is a milestone you never reached.
It crushes me that it is one of many, many milestones you will never reach.

But whether on earth or in heaven, your life (and that of your sister) continues to make me one of the most blessed mamas there ever could be.  Nothing, not even death, can steal that from me.  I continue to be in awe over the precious gift given to us in you, amazed that you are my boy. 

Yet, I would give anything to look into your bright eyes today, to share with you the growing depths of my mother’s love over these five years, to have you present as we celebrate you.  Instead, I must wait.  I must wait for the day when I will again look into your big, brown, glorious eyes and the depths of my love will spill forth like water bursting from a dam.  I hope you can handle me gushing all over you!  🙂

But in the waiting, there is much sorrow.  Just like the day you were born, your daddy and I still share many tears over you, but they are now colored with heartache.  Tears of sadness stream down his face, just as they do mine.  We miss you with every fiber of our beings.

Judson, your life began next to my heart, your life enveloped my heart, your life ended next to my heart…you are a part of my heart, held with every beat!

As glorious a day as December 24, 2004 proved to be, it pales in comparison to the reunion awaiting you and me.  I rejoice at the thought.

Happy 5th Birthday, Judson!!  I celebrate you in all the fullness of joy and pain tied to my love for you.

With all my heart,

10 Responses to "Part of My Heart"

  1. Tammy says:

    Thinking of Jud and his family…..Happy Birthday Jud!

  2. Ann says:

    This breaks my heart……..you write so beautifully!! Sending warm, caring thoughts your way!!
    The love you have for your children is amazing!!



  3. Melanie says:

    I still remember the birth announcement you sent with Jud swaddled and stuffed into a Christmas stocking! What a wonderful Christmas gift!

    I pray that your family is still able to deeply enjoy the other swaddled babe that is our miraculous Christmas gift amidst the immense grief.

    Happy 5th, Jud!

  4. HAPPY 5TH BIRTHDAY JUD BUD! I can only imagine the amazing, heavenly celebration you must be having today.

    Christina and Drake,

    I know today is difficult for you. You will be in my thoughts and prayers and I will be lighting a candle in honor of Jud today. What a wonderful gift he was and, as you know, you are so very blessed to be his parents.

    xoxo-Sabrina Gavriilidis

  5. Robyn says:

    Christina, Thinking of you with love today and gratitude that you chose to share your precious gift, Jud, with so many of us. Lifting you and Drake up in prayer that you may feel God’s loving arms holding you closely. I am confident that Jud knows how much he is loved–after all, how could heaven not be filled with love? Blessings. Give Jessie girl an extra hug from me today.

  6. Anna says:

    I too am thinking of you and praying for you today. Happy Birthday, Judson!

  7. Ashley says:

    Happy Birthday Judson!
    Praying for your family today, I was brought home in a Christmas stocking too 🙂 Jud and I have the same birthday! Have a blessed day.

  8. Michal says:

    Your beautiful boy is more beautiful than ever. His eyes are brighter, his own heart is bigger. I pray you will find much comfort in knowing that you are a precious and lovely mother, the best there ever could be. Your eloquent tribute is another evidence, another witness to the depth of your perfect mother’s heart. You and your dear husband held Judson near your hearts and in your comforting arms. You blessed and honored his earthly life every single day he was with you. In your tears of joy and your tears of sorrow, you have no regrets and great assurance that perfect Judson lives in love eternal.

    You have much to ponder, much to treasure in your heart as did Mary, the mother of Jesus. Bless you. Your little acorn is now a great oak planted for His glory.

    Isaiah 9:6

    For a child is born to us,
    a son is given to us.
    The government will rest on His shoulders.
    And He will be called:
    Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God,
    Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

    Isaiah 61: 1-3

    Good News for the Oppressed

    The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
    for the Lord has anointed me
    to bring good news to the poor.
    He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted
    and to proclaim that captives will be released
    and prisoners will be freed.
    He has sent me to tell those who mourn
    that the time of the Lord?s favor has come,
    and with it, the day of God?s anger against their enemies.
    To all who mourn in Israel,
    He will give a crown of beauty for ashes,
    a joyous blessing instead of mourning,
    festive praise instead of despair.
    In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks
    that the Lord has planted for His own glory.

  9. Amy Dresher says:

    Happy 5th Birthday Judson! I am sure you had an amazing birthday with Jesus and the angels, I can only imagine what a celebration it was!

    Many prayers to you and Drake on this day!

  10. Love you all so much….Happy Birthday Judson!!!!!!!
    Love~Jean and Gary

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