My dear Jud Bud,
It is hard to believe 5 years ago today you made me a mama – the most blessed mama there ever could be. One look into your already bright eyes and I knew, for the first time, the depths of a mother’s love. Just moments after you entered this world, the nurses put your beautiful, just-out-of-the-womb body next to my heart – I felt your warmth, your breath, and your heart beat, amazed that you were my boy! And then I glanced over at your daddy and saw tears of joy streaming down his face, just as they were streaming down mine. What a glorious day December 24, 2004 proved to be!
Turning 5 years old is quite a milestone, Judson…
It crushes me that it is a milestone you never reached.
It crushes me that it is one of many, many milestones you will never reach.
But whether on earth or in heaven, your life (and that of your sister) continues to make me one of the most blessed mamas there ever could be. Nothing, not even death, can steal that from me. I continue to be in awe over the precious gift given to us in you, amazed that you are my boy.
Yet, I would give anything to look into your bright eyes today, to share with you the growing depths of my mother’s love over these five years, to have you present as we celebrate you. Instead, I must wait. I must wait for the day when I will again look into your big, brown, glorious eyes and the depths of my love will spill forth like water bursting from a dam. I hope you can handle me gushing all over you! 🙂
But in the waiting, there is much sorrow. Just like the day you were born, your daddy and I still share many tears over you, but they are now colored with heartache. Tears of sadness stream down his face, just as they do mine. We miss you with every fiber of our beings.
Judson, your life began next to my heart, your life enveloped my heart, your life ended next to my heart…you are a part of my heart, held with every beat!
As glorious a day as December 24, 2004 proved to be, it pales in comparison to the reunion awaiting you and me. I rejoice at the thought.
Happy 5th Birthday, Judson!! I celebrate you in all the fullness of joy and pain tied to my love for you.
With all my heart,