Judson's Legacy

Our Home


Last summer Drake and I were discussing our home when I mused, “I don’t know how I could ever leave this home when so many memories of Jud are connected to this place.  I’ll probably have to be forced out.”

Little did I know as those words left my lips, circumstances leading up to that process were already underway.

In October we received a notice that our landlord, despite our consistent payments, had been defaulting on his loan for several months.  My heart sank.  And although he indicated he would be able to maintain ownership, seeds of concern were raised in our minds and a process of letting go had subconsciously commenced.

In the meantime, as we began to explore the possibility of Jessie starting kindergarten this fall, we became aware that our home is zoned for a poorly ranked public elementary school with little potential for a transfer.  A new dilemma emerged, impacted by where we live.

I began to research various school districts and school options.  Furthermore, I started exploring rental prices and getting on lists for updates on new property postings for rent.  The rental market seemed ripe, while some community-related deficiencies of where we live became more apparent…I could feel my heart softening toward the idea of a move. 

In December, I unexpectedly came home to a Notice of Trustee’s Sale taped to our door indicating our home was set to go to auction in January.

Since that day, Drake and I have been on pins and needles wondering what would happen with our home; would our landlord be able to finalize negotiations with the bank and keep the property, would the auction be postponed, or would the property actually foreclose? 

Today was the day.  I had to make the phone call that would confirm the status of our home.  As I sat on my bed, phone in hand, my heart was erratically pounding in my chest, my face flushed, and my mind racing.  So much of our future pinged on the information I would receive on the other line.

And then she said it, “You are now tenants of a bank-owned home and the bank will contact you to let you know when you will be required to move.”

I hung up the phone and felt numbness and grief.  However, I was surprised to also feel peace and hope flooding into those broken places.  I began realizing how God had graciously been preparing my heart for this transition over the last months.  Whereas just 6 months ago I thought I would wither at the idea of moving, I was seeing possibilities and potential. 

In recalling my comment to Drake last summer—I never actually wanted to be forced to leave our sweet home, the home where Judson lived and died, but it seems that is just how God is choosing to guide us.

We are facing many uncertainties, numerous emotional complexities that have yet to be realized, and several logistical hassles, but somehow in the midst, I am aware of God’s loving-care and provision – something I’ve been desperate to behold as of late.

So although my tears flow intensely when I actually consider our move, amazingly, my heart is simultaneously filled with gratitude.

Categories: General Life, Grief, Hope

6 Responses to "Our Home"

  1. Michal Ann says:

    Thank you for your hopeful testimony. I love the you’re sensing "possibilities and potential." I look forward to hearing "the rest of the story" as it unfolds. Your heart is Christ’s home…so you will be safe.

  2. Sandy says:

    It’s funny how we say we can’t do something and then we find that God changes our way of thinking. He then proves with His help we can do the very thing we said we couldn’t. It’s Him showing us it’s Him and not ourselves. God is good, and will always work things out for good, to those that love Him.
    Packing up is hard to do, (I think they even made a song about it.. LOL) but God again will prove faithful. Every memory, write it down… Your friends will keep you in prayer. God will never lead us out of one thing, unless where you’re being lead, is far better. God’s good like that. Prayers and love, Sandy

  3. Dear Christina, thanks for sharing about where you are with the home situation. I’m sure praying that you will be directed to the right home and neighborhood in the right timing and that you will have time to do that. – that you won’t have to move out too quickly. May God give you His peace in this difficult time. so glad for some of the preparation you have felt for the move.
    Love to you and Drake and Jesse.
    Love Teri

  4. Dawn Mills says:

    Christina….You ane your family will be in my prayers as you go through this process….that you find peace and potential. We have moved since Makinley died…and while I still feel very real urges to be back in that house at times…for the most part things have been ok. I ‘feel’ her here too. Judson is in your heart always…no matter where you are. That being said, I understand first hand the very real difficulties in leaving a home that holds so many memories. Sending my love…

  5. Christina~
    Our God is a God of new beginnings.Jud will ALWAYS be with you.This is a beautiful start for new beginnings for all of you.Jud would say.."I’m not leaving your mommy".
    Love you so much~
    Jean and Gary

  6. All your prayers are a HUGE gift. The last few days have been especially difficult (see new post) but we are truly trusting in God’s guidance. Dawn: I remember when you moved and I could not fathom how that felt for you…I am sorry you understand on a deep level these struggles, but grateful to have your friendship as a grieving mother in this process.

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