Little did I realize when I signed the contract for Judson’s story to be published that the imminent book release would be both a literal and figurative release.
As Eyes that See is, in the literal sense, being released for public consumption, I have become notably aware of how putting our precious little boy’s story out there for the world to read, newly exposes our family to misperceptions, criticism, and false impressions. In baring our souls, we have left the door open for people to be critical: whether it be disapproval over medical decisions, or our theology, or our hope for healing, or our parenting, or even our intent with the book — we are freshly susceptible. I feel a new and profound vulnerability, like I am naked in my most raw, broken places.
Additionally, this book is likely the most tangible legacy of Judson’s life and as much as we try to curb our expectations for the book we are also at risk for disappointment and discouragement. It is hard not to want God to put Eyes that See in the hands of many, as if more sales somehow reflects the degree to which God is working through the life of our son. I regularly fight this mindset.
Yet, on the flipside, the release of this book is like giving anyone and everyone the opportunity to reach out and touch our beloved little guy. I feel protective of Jud. I want to hold him close, like the picture above, and tuck him in my arms where he is protected and secure.
Strangely, I think these very real feelings of vulnerability are exactly where God wants me as we move forward with the book release. It is, in fact, these emotions that are causing me to constantly be reminded that this is God’s story, we are simply participants in it, and we have been called to this path. The Lord has clearly been orchestrating everything with the book to this point, and I must trust him, no matter what he chooses to do. Furthermore, whether a handful of people read it, or a huge number, is in no way indicative of the value of Judson’s life and story. Lastly, I am again reminded that Judson is not ours, he was simply entrusted to our care, and God is asking us, once more, to surrender our boy, to walk with open arms for God to use Judson however he chooses…we just need to be faithful.
Consequently, I am experiencing a figurative release of the book.
In the picture above, Judson was incredibly vulnerable. The photo was actually taken the day doctors told us he had a leukodystrophy and was facing imminent death. In addition, he had endured a spinal tap that afternoon, leaving him exhausted. All Jud wanted to do was crawl into my lap to be held.
Like my Jud Bud, I am feeling vulnerable and depleted. I think all God wants me to do is crawl into his lap to be held.
Eyes that See Update
- APRIL 6th—the official release!
- We just started a Twitter account for STORY of JUDSON.
- ChristianBookNotes.com has now decided to dedicate next week to the promotion of Eyes that See. Monday they will post their Eyes that See book review. Tuesday they will post Part 1 of our interview. Wednesday they are offering a book giveaway. Thursday they will post Part 2 of our interview. Hope you’ll check it out!
- There is still time to participate in the book giveaway on Judson’s Facebook fan page. We would be grateful for your support! Click here for more details.
- For all who got a pre-release copy of Eyes that See, you will be able to post a review on Amazon and/or Barnes & Noble starting April 6th.