Judson's Legacy

My Deja Vu Ends

Judson and Jessie just 2 days before our whirlwind began.

Jessie is just 11 days from turning two and a half.  This wouldn’t be notable except that Judson was just 11 days from turning two and a half when our whirlwind with Krabbe disease began (June 13, 2007).  Jessie is the exact age today that Jud was when the doctor informed us they were going to need to do an emergency MRI.  Our lives have been changed forever since that day.

This afternoon I held my beautiful girl and just wept and wept at the realization that she is healthy.  I won’t have to watch her suffer heinously.  I won’t powerlessly stand by as she loses every capacity she now has.  I won’t have to observe an evil disease consume her body.  Without Krabbe disease attacking my little lady, it is likely I will have the joy of watching her grow and develop from this day forward, rather than deteriorate.  I am brought to my knees in gratitude for this gift. 

I am also soberly reminded of my sweet boy who began to suffer wretchedly at this point in his life.  I look at Jessie run, climb the stairs, jump, and see the world around her and it stirs both praise for her life and intense brokenness for my dear Jud Bud.  I am reminded of his horrible suffering and wish so badly that my boy had been able to thrive and live as my Jessie Girl now does.  What Judson endured was so incredibly awful.  It hurts.  It hurts so deeply!

Today I grieve acutely for my Jud Bud and praise God richly for my Jessie Bug.  I am also very much aware that all experiences with my “Buggy” beyond this point are new.  I have never parented a healthy child past this age; what has to this point felt like deja vu, now ends.

Jud and Jessie both at 29 months old


5 Responses to "My Deja Vu Ends"

  1. Robyn says:

    Christina–I know you will cherish each and every new milestone that you watch Jessie achieve and you will grieve and mourn that Jud was unable to reach these same milestones. Just be kind to yourselves as you travel this uncharted territory and enjoy your precious gift! Keeping you in our prayers always! Blessings.

  2. Rebekah says:

    What beautiful photos of your two beautiful kiddos! Wish they could be enjoying each other’s company.

    You are truly privileged to be their mom.

  3. Lora says:

    I love how you put the picture of Jessie next to Jud’s picture like that. Precious. Having a severely handicapped child myself.. I too remember having a "healthy" child for the first time (6 years after only knowing what it felt like to have a disabled child). I too was SO incredibley thankful for each and every ability my daughter had/has. Standing, walking, running etc…It was incredible. May you cherish each new moment with Jessie! She is a blessing! I continue to hold your family in my prayers!

  4. mariah says:

    I love how you photoshopped the picture, it had a great impact.

    i also came across this today, and it reminded me of you guys.

    I Promise It’s Not Goodbye

    Mommy, please don’t cry
    I’m as safe as I can be
    I know you miss me so
    But I’ve finally been set free
    If you find that you need me
    I’ll be waiting right here
    To help you get through
    And take away all your fear
    I love you so much mom
    But it’s time for me to fly
    I’ll visit you every night
    I promise it’s not goodbye

    Sissy, please don’t cry
    I’m still your best friend
    We will always be together
    There’ll never be an end
    I hope you don’t forget
    The games we loved to play
    Keep me in your heart
    And forever I will stay
    I love you so much sister
    But it’s time for me to fly
    I’ll visit you every night
    I promise it’s not goodbye

    Daddy, please don’t cry
    I am still here every day
    It may not be the same
    But beside you I still lay
    When you think of me tonight
    Hold me tight in your mind
    If you ever again need me
    I won’t be hard to find
    I love you so much daddy
    But it’s time for me to fly
    I’ll visit you every night
    I promise it’s not goodbye

  5. Jean and Gary Butler says:

    Those pictures of Jessie and Jud side by side are just as precious as can be.Those babies are beautiful!!!! I think Jud would be so happy that through all of your pain you are still able to see the joy in Jud’s Jessie Girl.
    We love you so!!!!!!!
    Jean and Gary

Share Your Thoughts...

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.