Judson's Legacy

Missing Pendant


When Judson died, a couple different people blessed me with beautiful necklaces that have a photo of Jud, or a picture of Jud and Jess together.  Over time, one particular necklace became a part of me; I realized that I felt naked without it.  So unless absolutely necessary, I never remove it.

Jessie has grown up seeing me with this necklace around my neck.  I remember the day we were sitting in Starbucks and she asked me if she could have her own Judson necklace.  My heart melted, partly because of her desire to exhibit her love for her brother, but also because I knew she wanted to be like mommy.

I realized I had the perfect necklace for Jess.  It was one given to me that displayed a small color portrait of her brother, a photo that happened to be captured from a picture of Jud and Jess together.  Judson was grinning from ear-to-ear because he was patting his sister’s back and lovin’ on her.

Periodically Jessie asks to wear the necklace.  This last week, Jessie had been wearing it every day.  With school approaching, I became a little cautious about her wearing it on the first day, unsure of the dynamic it might create with her peers and teachers if they ask who it is.  So I inquired, “Are you thinking that you want to wear your Judson necklace on your first day of school, Jess?”

“Yes, mommy.  I love this necklace.”

“Okay,” I responded, a little reserved.

The night before her first day of kindergarten, as we were about to put Jess to bed, I looked down and noticed that the pendant was missing from her necklace.  Before saying anything, I moved the chain around with my fingers, hoping I was wrong.  My heart sank.

“Jessie,” I hesitated, “I think your Judson pendant is missing.”

My little lady erupted in tears.  “No, no, no,” she cried.  “I need it, mommy! I need my Judson necklace.  I miss him SO much and I need to wear it to school!  We’ve got to find it.”  She was inconsolable and my heart was gripped.  “I need it.  I need it.”

And I knew she meant it.  She needed it.

We scoured the house, but could not find the pendant.

I went upstairs to my jewelry box, looking for another Judson necklace.  I had one.  It was a black and white photo of Jud and Jessie together.  “Jessie, I have another Jud necklace.  In fact, it might be even better for you because it is the two of you together.  It is perfect.”

She was reluctant, at first, but completely satisfied once it was around her neck.  “Mommy, how old would Judson be?”

“He would be 6 ½, Jess.”

“What grade would he be?”

“He would be starting first grade.  You would be just one year apart in school,” I replied.

“I miss him so much.  I wish he was going to school with me.”

“Me too, Jessie Girl.  Me too,” realizing Jessie didn’t just need her necklace, she needed her brother.


10 Responses to "Missing Pendant"

  1. melanie says:

    Ugh. Heartbreaking, Christina. I’m sorry that they are not going to school together – that would be so sweet for all of you. I am grateful though that she still has such great affection for and memory of him. I wondered how much she would retain… Thanks again for sharing. Can’t wait for that heavenly reunion, eh?

  2. Christina, I think about what life would be like all the time if Zach still had a brother. In my eyes it would be wonderful. I know you would love to see Jess and Jud going to school together and being there for each other. I know God has a better reason for not allowing that. We won’t know that reason until we get to Heaven and that is the hard part. Since our move to the mountains God has provided Zach with some younger "brothers" in the neighborhood. They are a blessing to him and it is fun for me to watch him interact with them. I am praying that Jess too will find a substitute for Jud. Somebody that will be there to watch over her at school. I know God cares deeply about her and will provide for her.

  3. Michal says:

    Oh, what strong bonds…and strong is your faith in the goodness of God. I’m very glad you had the perfect pendant for Jess so she can keep her brother close to her heart.

  4. Just wept reading your post. How precious that Jessie still maintains her need and love for her older brother. What a testament to the bonds of love and what a great job you are doing to keep Judson’s
    memory alive. I love the necklace!

    Sandy Mitchell

  5. aunt sue says:

    God is going to use that necklass to bring glory to His Name as He opens conversations with it. Jessie, you look so happy and ready for kindergarten. 🙂

    See you soon. Love, aunt sue

  6. patty hall says:

    She has a sweet spirit like Judson. When you all get to be with him again the awesome reuin will be breathtaking. God gives us that hope.

  7. Katie says:

    Love this Story! Had me teary eyed. Beautifully written. I felt her hurt. I started to miss Judson myself. I am so sorry for your loss. You all love him so much. Thank you to @nldrian for sharing this story on twitter. Truly touched my heart. I have three boys and they are all so close with each other. i started to see them in Jessie. She is one wonderful girl. Don’t worry Jessie your brother is close by your side always.

  8. Liz says:

    I’m so sorry that Judson isn’t in school with Jessie! This broke my heart. I hope that she had a wonderful first day. Saying a prayer for your family.

  9. Suzie Ewton says:

    First of all, I am so sorry for the loss of your son Judson. The loss of any parent(s) child has to be one of the most excruciating journeys we may have to endure; even though I have not lost a child. I first heard of Judson on one of Joyce Meyer’s broadcasts. I saw a special spirit in Judson; which I believe comes from the Lord above. I believe terminally ill children have a gift from God that “normal” children/adults do not have.Thank the Lord for his amazing Grace to sustain us and comfort us with peace that surpasses all understanding when there seems like the end has come for whatever reason or things we must go through in this life, on the earth, May God richly bless you and your family Christina. You are all an inspiration of what it means to have God in your life and that He truly does love and care for us all.
    Suzie E.

  10. Kathy Wood says:

    i pray tha5 Jesse does not have krabbes disease

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