We have had many people comment to us about how well we have been keeping Jud’s memory alive, and we are grateful for this…But for me personally, I have been finding that everything we do in memoriam of Jud, as awesome as it may be, falls miserably flat for me.

Why?

Because, though the memories are sweet, I am desperate for my actual boy—in the flesh!  I’m longing to recapture Jud, not simply memories of Jud.  I want to hold and love my “Sweet Man” again.  I want Jud singin’ in our home again, lovin’ on his sister again, ridin’ his tricycle again, but everything we do falls short of this!

We can launch the most amazing website, or plant the most beautiful sycamore tree, or donate a special bench, all in his honor, but none of these things enable me to wrap my arms around my precious little boy again.  No memorial can ever be enough.  Nothing short of seeing and embracing Jud will fill this deep, intense void.

This is why my eyes have become permanently fixed on heaven…I cling to the hope that someday this gaping hole will be brimming with hugs and kisses from my beloved son once again!