Judson's Legacy

Khaki Sack

The last few days of Judson’s life he spent in our bean bag chair placed near the door in his room.  It had been a piece of furniture privileged to experience the laughter, smiles, and playfulness of our little boy as he would jump, climb, sit, roll, and sing cushioned in its comfort like an enormous pillow.

It also proved worthy to provide a place of rest to Jud in the final hours leading to his death; around the clock, loved ones would rotate holding and cuddling his broken, deteriorated, frail frame in the khaki sack.  Jud hardly even whimpered in his semi-comatose state as his limp body was placed in the arms of grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and friends who settled into the bean bag for their last chance to connect with our dying boy.

Eventually, it was in this poofy corduroy chair that I held my precious son as he breathed his last breath.  It was in this chair that my world stopped.  It was in this chair that our family suddenly became incomplete here on earth.  But it was also from this chair that Judson escaped his broken body and jumped into the arms of his Savior.

I moved the bean bag chair this week.

I moved the bean bag chair back by the door in Jud’s room.  I moved it in tears.  I moved it as a symbol of remembrance as the anniversary of Judson’s death rapidly approaches.  I moved it to help me recall how it felt to hold my sweet child for the last time.

I treasure the khaki sack—it hugged and held my boy…

And now it holds me as I mourn.

**WARNING: Some of the following images may be hard to view.**



14 Responses to "Khaki Sack"

  1. 37353 says:

    So, so precious! Thanks for sharing those!

  2. Tracy says:

    wow…i have no words except for i love you and i think you and drake are two of the most courageous, incredible people that i know. it’s an honor.

  3. 33875 says:

    I have never met you and I sadly never met Judson. But your story and his continues to touch me and my family as well as countless others who I tell about Judson or read "Eyes to See." I am more sorry than I can say. I’ve been thinking of you and praying for you as the year anniversary gets closer.

  4. Rebekah says:

    I wept over this post and the photos. Just can’t imagine how you’ve survived this past year without Jud… I’m sure it must feel like simply surviving much of the time.

    So glad you have Jessie to bring you both sweet smiles every day.

    I’m praying for strength for you during this time.

  5. 43408 says:

    I think it is wonderful that so many could hold Jud. I wish I could have, too. I am so sorry that his body suffered so much.

  6. Robyn says:

    What a beautiful chair and how lucky to hold so much love. Just as our own lives reflect our Father’s love and become beautiful, this chair reflects your love for Jud and becomes beautiful. We continue to lift you up in prayer and peace. Blessings.

  7. 33836 says:

    I’m sobbing. Your loss is inconceivable to me. He is a gorgeous boy and so extremely lovable. I soothe my heart by knowing how sweet his life must be in the arms of his Savior. I know we all can’t wait to be there with him. Many prayers for you for strength and healing. Hold on tight to your Jessie girl, she’ll get you through~


  8. Danielle Jones says:

    The moments I had with Jud in that sack will forever be cemented in my mind as some of the most horrific and the most precious of my life. I can remember just trying to soak him in as I held his frail, precious little body, all the while aching to see him out of suffering and pain. That sack, to me, is kind of sacred ground for all of the reasons you described.

    I miss Jud so much!!! Maybe I could come over soon for a "sit" in the sack.

    I love you guys,

  9. hh says:

    My tears are flowing once again as my heart hurts and breaks for you, Christina, Drake, Jessie, grandparents, family members and close friends who desperately loved (and still love!) Judson.

    I don’t know what to say. I never do. I just want you to know that Mark and I (and hundreds and hundreds of others) are crying out to God to help you through the next days and weeks leading up to the one year anniversary of letting Judson go into the arms of his sweet Savior.

    I love you guys with all my heart. I hope you can feel my arms (and ALL of our arms) around you right now. You are not alone. We are with you. God is with you.

  10. 34666 says:

    Oh Christina,
    These pictures rip my heart apart. It’s just not fair. None of this. I hate the question why, but I just can’t come close to even fathem why our children were given this sentence.

    Your Jud has touched my heart so deeply. I am so sorry you and your family have had to live this. I wish none of us had to go through this. I wish our children were alive, happy and well.

    You are all in my heart…


  11. lisa taylor says:

    I cry I cry I cry I cry. I don’t know what to say, I just cry.

  12. Rachel says:

    I remember my time spent with Jud on this khaki sack so vividly. I remember trying to breath in every thing about him. These pictures represent the most sorrowful and yet full of love moments that I have ever experienced. Oh how I miss Juddy. As much as it pains me to see these photos thank you so much for posting them. You are in my prayers and I love you guys so much.

  13. shannon says:

    As I sit here with tears rolling down my cheeks..oh how my heart completely aches for you and your family and I don’t even know you.

    From one proud mommy of two to another

  14. 33871 says:

    Like many of the authors of those posts below, I too, wept….and still weep alongside, as I read your blogs and catch a fleeting glimpse into your grief.

    The pictures are precious. How loved Judson IS!

    We are all praying for you still, and forevermore as you,Drake,Jessie, and all of your extended family and friends, continue to walk this slow walk of grief and healing.

    We love you a million times through!
    Stevenson Family

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