We live in a society that constantly feeds us the idea that life is “all about me”—me, me, me, me, me. We have entertainment, advertisements, music, clothing, and everyday products that declare, “It’s all about me!” encouraging us to live our lives in a manner that makes our own self-interest of utmost importance.
We’re being fed a sham. The selfishness that arises with this type of mentality is destructive to every aspect of life, especially relationships. As a friend, a spouse, a parent, or in the context of any other interpersonal connection the “all about me” approach can quickly destroy the relationship. That’s because genuine love, the love we long for is not self-seeking. This mentality also significantly affects our relationship with God. Are we approaching him out of self-interest and a desire to get what we want, rather than out of authentic adoration?
Even though I know these truths cognitively, as I taught a Bible study yesterday about “thinking rightly” I was very aware of how my life is often tainted by this destructive attitude. It can be subtle, creeping in when I don’t even recognize the self-centeredness.
It was strong within me this evening when in a fit of sorrow I shouted to God in our empty home, “I WANT MY BOY BACK! I don’t want all these other things! I JUST WANT MY BOY!”
It was as if my heavenly Father graciously whispered, “It’s not all about you, Christina. I love you, and I know you long for Judson, but he is my boy and it’s not all about you.”
Frankly, God’s response hurts. Truth be told, I want God’s plans to be “all about me”; I have bought into the pervasive lie of our culture. However, my true purpose and fulfillment can only flourish when I live in the truth that it is “all about Him!”
Wow. Ouch.
To this very day, I struggle with a deeply-rooted fear that someday, something will happen to separate me from my own child. I want to cling to him desperately- not trusting even God in His plans for my little boy.
I know that my selfish fear is wrong. And I know, mentally, that life isn’t about me.
But it is tremendously difficult to live that truth. Everything from my own sin nature to our culture constantly fights against it.
I know you miss Jud so much, Christina… as a mom, I just want him back FOR you. Your thoughts are right on, however…
Even though life isn’t about us, though, I hope you will be comforted and reminded how great God’s compassion is for you, and that He understands your broken heart. Even as He gently corrects you and reminds you that He is in control, He is full of mercy and love for you.
It’s so good to know that Jud is safe in His hands.
Thank you for reminding me that everything works according to God’s perfect plan..not our own. I, too have to learn once I give up my will and accept Christ’s will for my life,I will be fine. Love you girl. Take care
Kenji’s mommy
Amen Christina! Preach it! It is so true . . . something we all have to guard against daily. We are all basically selfish–the old sin nature. I found it can be especially true in grief, but I believe that it is okay to an extent, because God made us to feel, hurt and express our emotions. He knows our thoughts are going to turn inward. But again there is a balance. Am I grieving in a godly way seeking the face of my Lord (looking up), or am I solely bent on my way, no matter what. He knows we are going to be self-reflective when we are grieving, but does greater growth, grace, love, compassion etc. come out of that introspection. Or does anger, bitterness, unforgiveness, "I have my rights", etc. take hold . . .
These are very difficult things . . . and I couldn’t make it if it wasn’t for . . .BUT GOD!
Kristina, I know it still hurts . . . and it will, but I praise God for the way He is using you and I thank you for continuing to be faithful to Him. He is pleased and takes great delight in you. I am blessed to have you for a niece. I am praying for you and Drake. Love, aunt sue
Thank you Christina for a humble reminder of
WHO it is really all about.It is so about our Savior….not about US. Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!
Love and hugs~
Jean and Gary
so many good things to think on here christina… thank you friend.
i feel your pain not literally but i have read your blog for awhile and i could understand how you feel how you feel. i struggled with major depression for 9 years. i didn’t feel like i was alive i was in a nightmare that wouldn’t go away but by the grace of god i don’t suffer with it anymore. i just want to say i feel your pain and anguish and god feels your pain too and he is crying with you. i wish you all the best and may god heal your broken heart and give you closure. you dont know me but i just felt like commenting
feel free to email anytime at funkybear29@gmail.com
Christina,
I am new to reading blogs (I do not have my own) and I discovered yours shortly before Christmas. I have wanted to write to you many times, but am treading lightly. I am now 47, but experienced a terrible loss when I was 17. Our neighors lost 3 of their 4 children in one night in a head-on car collision caused by a drunk driver. I used to baby-sit those children and I had a close relationship to them and their mother. I have watched and experienced those deep valleys and some healing peaks with her over the past 30 years. I just had a nice visit with her this past week and told her of your blog. She is very active in Mothers Against Drunk Drivers and is just now starting to write her own book about her loss. I honestly thought that she would die herself when the accident first happened. She told me many times that she wanted to. She did have the one son left who survived and he needed much care which helped tremendously. Her husband was 20 years older than she was at the time and had already had a vasectomy. He had it reversed and she went on to have two more children after losing twins in a miscarriage. So, much pain amidst much joy as is often the sum of life. I have often asked her how she coped and how she chose to live. She told me that time helps, but ultimately, she had to decide if she loved God more than the children she lost. This answer really startled me, but on reflection, I can see what she meant. It has been a 30 year struggle and she is a Christian woman of deep faith. In any case, I would be willing to put you in contact with her if you are at all interested. She is 63 years old young and has just lost her husband, but she is a woman of incredible strength, wisdom, and joy! I lift you up in my prayers each night and am sometimes prompted to pray for you at odd hours which I do. God will carry you through. Your son will be in your arms again. This life is so short in light of eternity. May God uphold you each day until then. Bonnie Schmidt
Beautifully written….How much truth!
I pray that you remain ever knowing of the love our Father has for you, because you are one of His. Never forget the promises that God has in store for you! God Bless sweet friend, and as always, thanks for such a subtle reminder about who we should be truely living each day for.