When Jessie was born into our family it felt like the culmination of so much transition that had been occurring in our lives and I was ready to feel settled. Recognizing that caring for a new baby was also a significant transition, I recall telling myself and a few others that when Jessie was about a year old, life would be looking sweet and stable. I was longing for the stability!
What had occurred in the two years prior was an uncanny amount of change. Judson’s arrival in our lives triggered a domino effect of transition…I went from working full-time at Whittier College to staying home full-time. Drake had been a full-time PhD student at UCLA but shifted to a full-time job 6 weeks after Jud was born. Then Drake, due to budget cuts, was laid-off from his job 6 months later. Fortunately, 3 months after that Drake started a new job, his current job at Vanguard. Meanwhile, I became pregnant with Jessie. Then, after 6 months of hour long commutes to drive just 22 miles, we decided to move closer to Drake’s work—Jud was 17 months old and I was at the beginning of my 3rd trimester of pregnancy with Jessie Girl.
After Jessie’s arrival we were adjusting to a family of four, settling into a new home, and connecting to a new church community, but it felt like our lives where FINALLY on the track toward stability—a deep longing of my heart.
Then BAM! The onset of Krabbe began to shatter every hope for security and constancy I had ever imagined for my life.
But I think this was a mental shift necessary on my journey toward wholeness. Losing Judson has shown me that this world is not my home; security in this lifetime should not be central to my longings for the future. Moreover, I am not convinced that the Lord wants his children to feel settled here on earth.
We are told many times in Scripture that this world is not our home. We are simply passing through, like nomads on a journey to a promised land. We are aliens and foreigners and our goal should not be to take up “residency” in a place that is not intended to be our ultimate dwelling. To become secure in the things of this world is to tie ourselves to temporal, fleeting “stuff” of little substance when there is permanent, enduring, secure life of great worth awaiting us in eternity. We are called to live as sojourners. (1 Peter 2:11, 2 Corinthians 5:1, Hebrews 11:13)
Two years ago, I thought I would feel settled and secure at this stage in our lives. I do not. In fact, I perceive that for the rest of my life I will continue to feel like I’m in transition as I await my heavenly home.