Judson's Legacy

Illusion of Control

Most of us live in an assumptive reality*-we assume that our hopes and plans for tomorrow and everyday thereafter will occur as anticipated.

We make a lunch date with someone and have every reason to expect they will be there at the scheduled time and place.  We get in our car and expect to make it to work each day.  We pay our utility bills and expect that our electricity, gas, and water will function properly.

Our assumptive reality gives us the misperception that we are in control of our lives because so much of what we anticipate comes to fruition on a daily basis.

However, periodically something might occur that throws a wrench in our assumptive reality.  Our friend gets sick and we end up eating lunch alone.  Our car breaks down and we don’t make it to work on time.  Our electricity goes out and we are unable to watch our favorite program on TV.

But what happens when our assumptive reality is obliterated?  What happens when everything we hoped and planned for tomorrow and the rest of our life has been shattered?

I assumed that my son would grow old and I would have the privilege of watching his personality, interests, and character continue to develop.  I imagined who he would become, the activities he might enjoy, what he might look like as a teenager, what pains he might experience in life, and who he might love.  But I woke up one morning and he was gone.

My assumptive reality was destroyed.

Before Judson’s death I never would have professed to be in control, but there was a fine thread that still kept me living as if I had significant power over my life.  That thread was severed, exposing the illusion of control.

In turn, I have been moving from illusion to submission.

I humbly bow my knee to the One who controls the clouds and makes the thunders flash.  Blessed be the Almighty! (Job 37:15)


* Thanks to Randy Hill, our grief counselor, for sharing this terminology and other concepts with us that help describe our feelings.

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