My Dear Sweet Man…
Have I really survived seven years without you? The other day, as I was thinking about the 7th anniversary of your death, I was surprised to feel a jolt of encouragement. Seven years feels like a really long time. And it has been a long time. But I was overcome by the thought that if I can live seven years in your absence, surely I can multiply that a couple times. I can do this.
I can do this, Judson. By the grace of God, I can do this.
On one level I’ve had to do this, I’ve had to live without you…for seven years! But it’s a whole ‘nother level of health to recognize that I can. For so long, the distance between now and eternity has been incredibly daunting; I’ve continually experienced grace for the moment, but the gap between today and the day you’re in my arms again has always felt too enormous to bear.
But now I’ve lived seven years in that gap, and my long-term question of how do I do this, How do I possibly survive without my boy?, is turning into a declaration: I can do this. I have been and can live in the gap until we are reunited.
And it’s this longing for our reunion that has given me a gift. In the distance between us, our Savior and the reality of heaven have come especially near; in our separation, Juddy, Jesus has drawn close. His kingdom, your home, is a constant in my mind and it’s shaping my every breath.
And every breath I breathe brings me closer to the day I hold you again. You remain continually present in my mind and heart. I carry you with me in numerous ways no one else sees or could even imagine and I am thankful for our special relationship, even now.
I still wish I didn’t have to live without you, Judson. But these seven years have taught me that I can do it. There is great pain in overtly conceding this reality and expressing it openly, but there is also, simultaneously, freedom in the acknowledgment. And I trust that before I know it, 7 years will increase exponentially, catapulting me home too.
I am so proud of you. I am so blessed by you. I am so thankful for you. I am so honored to by your mama, Jud Bud. I miss you constantly.
With every ounce of my love,
Mommy
Your words have such clarity and decisive strength, Christina…thank you for sharing them.
God has given you the strenght to carry on… Jud is guiding you through life until the moment you meet again! Lots of love ♡
Amen. Thank you, Samanta!
As always beautifully written. Judson story makes me cry everytime, most.of the time i cant even get through it. He was a special boy, smart and beautiful. And your family is by far the strongest ive ever seen and a true.inspiration. god bless ya buddy!
Bless you, Christina.
Oh sweet girl, I've been praying for you today as I knew what day it was….I so loved your beautiful words and heart, and understand them too. You continue to shine for God, and point those with heart-ache to our true Hope…until one day we will be enter heaven ourselves….and oh, what a day that will be! xoxo
So beautiful, Christina. And the perspective is incredible. It never ceases to amaze me how God continues to reveal His truth and grace to you. Until the Big Reunion… =)
Little Jud bud also changed my life, He showed me the more important things of life. I love my Grandkids with all my heart just as I have love my own kids. I couldn't imagine going through life without their hugs and the love that I feel for them. Children are the sweetest things God put on this earth other than his holy spirit. Im so thankful that I was able to meet him and know his parents through facebook. What a joyful time when you and Drake and his little sister will reunite. Thank you God.
I thank you for allowing me to get to know this beautiful little boy. He is my constant reminder of Gods love us and know how your heart yearns to hold him once again. God bless you and your family and may he comfort you always.
Thank you, Umberto!
Your words are a gift, Stephanie, especially your words about Judson. Thank you for seeing his sweet character through all the heartache!
Thank you, Linda, for all your sweet comments, but thank you especially for taking the time to send us such a beautiful card and for remembering with us in such a significant way. Your grandkids are absolutely beautiful and your support is a gift! "Just a few more weary days and then…"
Oh Cindy, I know you are so intimately familiar with these feelings of grief and it means so much to have you continuing to follow along with our journey. Yes, what a day that will be. Amen!!
You have truly stood beside me, Melanie, even from afar. Thank you for continuing to speak words of faith and encouragement into our journey. You are a blessing!
Your comment brings tears to my eyes, Patty. Thank you for allowing Judson to touch your heart such a significant way and for speaking hope into our journey! Please give your grandkids a big squeeze from me! 🙂
Tomasa, I have an email sitting in my inbox from you that I have been wanting to respond to; forgive me for not having done so. Please know that you have touched me so deeply with your words and we thank you for taking the time to get to know Judson and for letting him touch your heart! Thank you for sharing your heart with me! Please know that I am praying for you, your precious girl, and I trust God will provide the strength and grace for each difficult moment. I'm with you from afar!
So inspirational!!! Getting to know Judson and the whole Levasheff family has truly driven me to drive on the fight against these dreadful diseases. I never knew I had it in me until I came across Judson’s sight and learning about a true American hero that Judson is. All of you were in my thoughts and prayers last Friday. God bless you!!!
Thank you, John. These words from one of our nation’s heroes are such a gift!!! God bless you too!
Dear Christina, Your words bring such a heartfelt response from one mom to another. I can’t imagine the pain that still exists without Judson. But I love your perspective and you write it o well. I can almost feel every emotions with you. Praise Jesus that we have heaven and I pray God will continue to give you strength to carry on in this world until He takes you home and you get to hold your baby (however old he will be) in your arms. What a day of rejoicing that will be!! I hope I get to witness it. I figure I’ll probably be there before you :
With love, Teri
I stumbled upon Judson's story about 5 years ago. I am not a parent, but have a heart for people, children especially. I think I was looking up the National Anthem on Youtube and noticed his video…. I don't like to see the sad, but through your boy I was able to find a joy in me that I forgot I had. I wanted to mention something that I admired you do as a parent…. You believed in Judson and let him live life to his fullest…. You did not let his limits stop you from giving him the best shot he had. I am sure every parent does that for their child, but you wore grace and love so well in your videos. I have read your book and cried with you. This last year I started having a sudden illness in my body and life has not been the same, but I understand that life change in an instant. As a sister in Christ, I pray for your mother's heart. Compassion is part of what I do. Sweet hugs to you from a Oregon gal 🙂
Your letter to Jud is simply wonderful. Whenever I will see the brand “GAP” on people’s clothes now, I will remember you and Judd. When I will hear the voice on London tube saying “Mind the gap”, you will be on my mind. When I will see the letters of Bavarian County “Garmisch-Partenkirchen” (GAP) on license plates on the roads over here, my thoughts will turn to you, dear Family of Four far away, yet so close to my heart.
Gabriele from Germany
Christina I just recently came across your videos on ytube and I cannot begin to explain how it has affected me. Judsons was an amazing beautiful child. I have been a nurse for almost 20 years and I have never heard of krabbes disease. But now I know I will never forget it.i just received your book today and will spread judsons legacy to everyone I know. U r an awesome mother and God has blessed u for the love and caring u gave your son. I hope to learn more about your care teams it would be an honor to help in any way I can. God bless u and your family
This story always breaks my heart, but it also reminds of how great is our God. He is with us in our pain & in our joy and has promised never to leave us nor abandon us.
I could not sleep last night. I have learned that when this occurs it is an opening for me to commune with God. I often watch Joyce Meyer Ministries and I just happened to choose the episode that featured Jud’s story. I could not look away. The story spoke to my spirit, soul and most importantly heart . The heart of a mother who today is even more thankful for her only son! I was even more touched when I realized that today is Jud’s birthday. Coincidence, I think not , this year especially, I have learned there is no such thing! I know I was meant to see your story. Now he lives in my heart too ! I pray for continued peace, comfort and even joy to you and yours. You certainly gave all that to me today !
Christina, God has put in front of me today the story of your precious boy. Today I met Judson. What an extraordinary little boy. I haven’t stopped crying since this morning when I first came across your story watching Joyce Meyer. Oh and how this has touched my heart. What heartache and pain in watching the videos of your little precious son and his stuggle with this disease, but through it all he had Joy. I feel especially connected to you and your story because I myself went through the loss of my 3 month old baby girl, Evana. Evana was born December 18, 2007 and passed on March 26, 2008 due to a genetic illness called Mitochondrial Disease. It was an unimaginable and painful loss to my family of which I still struggle to this day, 7 years later. Which is the same time that has passed since the loss of your son, so I do feel connected with you and your pain. I know that one day me and you Christina will be reunited with our little angels. Oh, and what a day that will be. Sometimes I think that I came across your story today because Evana and Judson have met in Heaven and are playing together and my daughter wanted to introduce me to the story of your son. Christina, I am still struggling with the loss of my baby girl… but in watching your story and seeing the videos of you and your husband with Judson, I know that there is hope beyond the tears and a peace that surpasses all understanding. Your husband and you have shown such strength through all of this and that is admirable. Thank you for sharing your son with us and for showing that fortitude that I pray I will have soon in the struggle of my loss. But God did provide, he blessed us with the birth of our son, Elias, 3 years after her death. He is 3 years old today and I know there is a purpose and great plan for his life. Judson has been a blessing to me. Thank you.
Hello… Thank you for sharing your story. I too have been through tragedy and I felt that God was speaking to me through your little boy. It is so inspiring to see faith as strong as yours.