Judson's Legacy

Hope for a New Year

There have been times this last year when I have been so devastated by my loss that I have actually hated the fact that this is my journey and, quite frankly, resented the path God has chosen for me (God, please forgive me!).  And though I have eternal hope, these moments cause me to feel as though my earthly existence is hope-less.

So yesterday, as we began the new year, 13 months and 23 days removed from Judson’s death, I chose to reflect on the things in life that give me hope for the coming year.

I have hope that my heart will experience greater healing this year, hope in watching Jessie Girl grow and develop into a 3-year-old little lady, hope for Drake to be farther along in the completion of his dissertation, hope for more opportunities to share Judson’s story, hope for greater personal health, hope for deepening of friendships, hope for adventure, and hope for new ways to use my gifts.  As I consider the year ahead, I am encouraged to have several tangible things that I am already looking forward to.

But as I was contemplating the many things that are giving me hope for the coming year, I began to recognize that my list was full of things that have no guarantees, can be momentary, and may even fall flat.  Therefore, they cannot provide lasting hope.

So then where do I find lasting hope for my wounded heart today, beyond just the future hope of heaven? 

I am reminded that this life of loss has brought God near to me in a way I would never have experienced otherwise.  Psalm 34:18 expresses how God is close to the brokenhearted.  It is almost as though He gives a special privilege to the hurting; He stays particularly near those who are crushed in spirit and makes His presence known.  This is where I can find profound and lasing hope—knowing that the pain of the day can lead me into greater depth of relationship with my Heavenly Father; His love does not fade like the temporal desires of the moment.

It is the Hope of God’s nearness that I want to shape my new year.

A song by Margaret Becker speaks beautifully of this Hope:

Lately I’ve been finding
Comfort in this truth
I am just a child of need
Who’s found her hope in You

Stay close to me
Stay close to me

Lately I’ve been quiet
Remembering who You are
Fascinated with the love
You’ve shown to me this far

Stay close to me
Stay close to me
Never leave me, never go
I need You here, I need to know
You will always be
Close to me


3 Responses to "Hope for a New Year"

  1. Jean and Gary Butler says:

    How beautifully said….love your heart.
    We just found out part of what you’re saying about a
    "wounded heart". We went back to Illinois for Christmas for what was expected to be a "healing visit"…again we were left with wounded hearts. Pray for us if you would.
    Love and hugs~
    Jean and Gary

  2. Rebekah says:


    This is really profound. I think you’ve hit the nail on the head.

    Even as a Christian, it seems I always seek fulfillment from the temporary things of this world. It is SO easy to get caught up in the joys and trials and moments we spend here on earth, and yet they are never fully satisfying.

    What you’ve said reminds me that we really cannot find true hope or fulfillment or contentment in anything or anyone except God alone.

    You are living through circumstances that force you to see reality more clearly than those of us who still live in an imaginary bubble of normalcy. And although your situation is heartbreaking, your insights are a blessing. Thank you.


  3. hh says:

    SO well said, Rebekah! I’ve been trying to think of something to write in response to this one. Oh, how I agree with everything you said!

    And thank you, Christina, for continuing to share your heart with us. Just want you to know I was up at 2 a.m. this morning (couldn’t sleep) and praying for you and Drake. I’ve been wanting to write to you since Jan. 1st to let you know that I promise to continue praying for you daily…every day through 2009, just as I know I did every day of 2008! It’s an easy promise to keep as the Lord brings you to my mind so many times during each day.

    I hope to see you soon now that I’m finally starting to feel better in this pregnancy.

    Love you so much, Heather

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