There have been times this last year when I have been so devastated by my loss that I have actually hated the fact that this is my journey and, quite frankly, resented the path God has chosen for me (God, please forgive me!).  And though I have eternal hope, these moments cause me to feel as though my earthly existence is hope-less.

So yesterday, as we began the new year, 13 months and 23 days removed from Judson’s death, I chose to reflect on the things in life that give me hope for the coming year.

I have hope that my heart will experience greater healing this year, hope in watching Jessie Girl grow and develop into a 3-year-old little lady, hope for Drake to be farther along in the completion of his dissertation, hope for more opportunities to share Judson’s story, hope for greater personal health, hope for deepening of friendships, hope for adventure, and hope for new ways to use my gifts.  As I consider the year ahead, I am encouraged to have several tangible things that I am already looking forward to.

But as I was contemplating the many things that are giving me hope for the coming year, I began to recognize that my list was full of things that have no guarantees, can be momentary, and may even fall flat.  Therefore, they cannot provide lasting hope.

So then where do I find lasting hope for my wounded heart today, beyond just the future hope of heaven? 

I am reminded that this life of loss has brought God near to me in a way I would never have experienced otherwise.  Psalm 34:18 expresses how God is close to the brokenhearted.  It is almost as though He gives a special privilege to the hurting; He stays particularly near those who are crushed in spirit and makes His presence known.  This is where I can find profound and lasing hope—knowing that the pain of the day can lead me into greater depth of relationship with my Heavenly Father; His love does not fade like the temporal desires of the moment.

It is the Hope of God’s nearness that I want to shape my new year.